Where Does It Hurt
by Shealyn
Summary: What do you do when the one person you love is dead? What do you do when you've lost yourself? What do you do when you find out he's not really dead? What to you do to find yourself again? What do you do to find him again?
1. Prologue

Hey everyone! Here's my story, Where Does It Hurt. It's the prologue. I hope you guys like it. I posted it on another website and I hope I get more feedback here. I already have four chapters done so I might just post them all at the same time.

Oh and it's not so much of a prologue, it's just little teasers here and there...blah, blah, blah... you get the point.

Hope you enjoy it!

* * *

**Prologue**

_**Where does it hurt**_

**What do you do when the one person you love is dead?**

_"I've been trying to move on ever since hes been gone, but it's hard. I don't think I can."_

_**When you open your heart, there's always so much to lose. So far to fall and no where to go when it's through.**_

**What do you do when you've lost yourself?**

_"I used to be so good. I used to wake up and look forward to the moment when I could lose myself in my own little world. Used to. And then everything changed after he..."_

_"After he died?"_

_"Yeah."_

_**And for every endless midnight there's a sky full of broken stars and there'll always be a place for you inside my arms.**_

**What do you do when you find out he's not really dead?**

_"I thought he was gone! I would go to his grave and lay there beside it hoping the wind would pick me up and take me away with him. You knew that I was so lost without him and what I was putting myself through but you still didn't tell me he was okay?"_

_"I'm sorry I-"_

_"No, stop it. You don't have to pity me. After all I was just some naive girl the whole time anyway, huh?"_  
**  
**_**If you let me in, I won't let you down, put your faith in me.**_

**What to you do to find yourself again? **

_"I can help you, I know I can."_

_"It's not that I don't want your help, I just don't know if I want to be that girl anymore. I like who I am now, especially with you here, I just have to figure out who that is."_

_**And there's a billion streets to walk down in this city of broken hearts but there'll always be a place for you inside my arms.**_

**What do you do to find him again?**

_"Please! Just wait!"_

_"No, I got to go. I have to find him."_

_"But I—"_

_"Just save it, he's the one I want, not you."_


	2. Beginnings

**Chapter One: Beginnings**

In the beginning, it was great. The start was my favorite part. The moments where we were still unsure about our feelings, still unsure if it was going to work after years of a friendship prior to this new level of a relationship. He was so sweet, so careful, so innocent. Just as I was to the change in our friendship. We were so tentative and quiet, careful not to accidentally brush each others skin and start the fire beneath our palms. But it was still great. The kisses were sweet and slow and the dates seemed as if they lasted forever while we both prayed nothing would go wrong. It was the best time in our relationship because I could be carefree, I could be myself. He didn't care because he was still nervous at the sight of me. But when the wildfire of tentativeness settled down to a flame, it was different. Not so sweet, not so careful, and not so innocent. He was always worried about where I was, who I was with, or what I was doing. It became a troublesome relationship instead of a carefree one.

The beginning was great, the very best part. Like a baby taking its first few steps, hesitant at first trying to pass those little bumps that just might be enough to make him collapse.

( : : )

"Hey Kat," Jude said to her as she walked out of her room. She smelled the breakfast being made and saw the nervous look on her friend's face. "Big day today?"

"Morning Jude!" Kat turned her head away from the oven. She started to move around the kitchen. "Yes! I'm meeting with an editor from a big magazine today. He said if my designs are good enough he'll put me in the next issue."

Kat always made a big breakfast when she was worried about something. "I'm sure he'll like you." Jude picked at the food on her plate with her fork, "Hey Kat?" She asked timidly. Kat looked over at her. "Do you ever wonder if Jamie really died? I swear he's still here, it's like I can still feel his presence." She swallowed the lump in her throat. It had been almost five years since he died and Jude still couldn't talk about him without getting choked up.

"Jude..." Kat trailed. "I — He's gone, you know that." She frowned. Kat might not have been in a relationship with him, but she still loved him as a friend.

She sighed. "Yeah, I know," Jude looked down. She wasn't lying when she said she still felt him there. Sometimes Jude felt he was so close it wasn't even like he was gone. Most of the time, though, those were dreams. Once in her head and then slipped away and forgotten.

Kat noticed she was upset. "I know you still miss him — trust me, just about everyone he knew misses him like crazy — but you have got to stop doing this to yourself." She was really worried about Jude. She felt her slipping away. Jude wasn't herself anymore, she hadn't been for awhile.

"Doing what?"

"Torturing yourself like that!" Kat yelled, "You're disappearing, Jude, and it's all because of a guy who's been gone for years." She sighed, "You make yourself believe nothing happened and force yourself to believe he's still here. But you know that's not the truth. Sometimes at night you cry..." Kat shook her head feeling a lump in her throat. "It's awful, Jude. I hate it so much and I sometimes think you might never stop."

"I don't force myself to believe anything," Jude replied shakily. She might not want to believe that nothing happened, but something did and it kills her everyday. "I'm just..." She trailed off not believing what she was about to say. "I'm just lost. I have no clue what I'm doing. I feel like I'm there, my body is in front of you...but the rest of me is not." Jude was just as surprised as Kat was that she said that. She had never spoke those feelings out loud fearing if they were put out there Jude would admit she was becoming depressed.

"Oh Jude," Kat said with a worried look on her face. "I never knew you felt that way."

She stumbled on her words, "I...I — I know." Jude choked out. She was worried what Kat thought of her...Did she think Jude was crazy? "I, um, I gotta go get ready...Don't want to be late for my first day at college!" She said, shying away from the subject.

"But Jude I have all this food and I still want to talk to you." Kat didn't want Jude to think that she didn't care. And after what she said, Kat was really scared for her.

"I really got to go." She said getting up, "I'll eat some of it if I have time after I'm done." Jude went over to Kat and gave her a hug, "Thanks for letting me talk to you about that, it feels good to get it off my chest. If I don't see you before you leave, do great today! I'm sure they'll love you!"

Kat smiled, "Thanks, Jude. I really hope so." Jude walked away towards her room. "Oh and Jude," She called

Jude sighed and turned around, "Yes, Kat?"

"This conversation is NOT over!"

( : : )

It was Jude's second first day at the University of Toronto. Five years ago when she was eighteen her first day of college had been her last. Jude had gotten the call that changed her life forever; Jamie was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors said her had a few months left to live so Jude stopped everything. She dropped out of college and put her life on hold, spending as much time as she could with Jamie.

He eventually died months later and Jude stopped doing everything, even the one thing she swore she would never give up: music. It was a hard time for her and Jude didn't want memories of Jamie so she didn't write or sing anything because music was the one thing they had in common the most.

So there she was, twenty-three-years-old starting her freshmen year of college. Jude knew nothing was going to go wrong today but still had that strange feeling in her stomach. Jude would still be majoring in music but she wanted to be a producer, not an artist. That had always been her dream when she was younger. It seemed like Jamie was helping that dream too but she gave up after he passed away. Now Jude would only do anything with music if she was behind the scenes.

People tried to convince her to sing again, but she couldn't. Jude just didn't think she was good enough without him, not that she would tell anyone that. Jude tried, oh did she try but every time she opened her mouth about to sing the first not of a song Jamie would pop up in her head. She couldn't do it anymore. Jude would have loved to have been able to make a song about Jamie and his death — it would be any artist's dream to have a song filled with that kind if emotion — but she couldn't even write about him.

Just as Jude was about to walk onto campus she realized that his death had such a great effect on her. It changed her songs, her dreams, and even herself.

( : : )

When she walked into her class she was greeted by the same professor from five years ago. "Hello! Welcome to music class. I'm Paegan Smith, you are?"

Jude smiled at him, this was the professor that stuck out to her most. He was amusing and entertaining; she could tell if she stayed he would've been her favorite. "I'm —"

"Wait, I recognize you!" He thought for a moment, "Ah, yes. Miss Harrison, the disappearing guitar girl from five years back." He remembered her...Five years ago he wanted to put someone on the spot to sing. Paegan picked Jude, she had a guitar! The song was mind blowing and the whole class was admittedly intimidated.

Jude had remembered just as well! It was the last time she sang...ever. "Wow, I can't believe you remembered me."

"You might not realize it, Jude, but you left quite the impression." Paegan looked at her confused, "Why aren't you on my list?"

"I registered last minute, got someone to pull a few strings to get me here." She said ignoring his compliment. Jude smiled thinking about Sadie. She missed her controlling sister, she had not seen her in months. Sadie had called the University demanding Jude get in and with her being alumni with a steady 4.0 GPA, Jude just had to be a shoe in for the college. She didn't know how Sadie did it, but it somehow worked and got Jude in.

"Well," he paused. "It's good to have you back."

She smiled at him and searched for a seat. Jude let out a breath as she saw there was one in the back. She went to it and sat down waiting for class to begin.

"Hello class," Mr. Smith went in the front of the room. "I'm your professor for this class. My name is Paegan Smith." He went on about what the class would be about for most of the time. He smiled, "I'm pleased to say we have the return of a student..."

_Don't say my name_, _don't say my name_, Jude thought to herself. Paegan looked at her and she shook her head. She could tell by the confused look on his face that he didn't get it.

The door flew open and somebody walked in. Jude gasped as did the rest of the girls in the class, maybe a few guys, too, it _was_ a bigger class... A smirked formed on his lips as he heard it, "Tom." Paegan said with warning in his voice.

His faced dropped, "Uh, sorry I'm late Pae— Mr. Smith, problem at the registration office." Tom looked around the room and took the only seat in the back next to Jude.

"As I was saying," Jude hid her head in between her arms. "Jude Harrison is back! She came to this class a few years ago and I saw the star quality she possessed when she sang." She was getting more embarrassed by the second. "What do you say Miss Harrison, want to show this class your talent?" Before Jude could say anything he checked the time,"Sorry, Jude. I'm afraid we don't have any time. You can go now class." Jude was relieved and bolted out of there. "Maybe next time, Jude." He told her on the way out. _Doubt that_, she thought.

Jude saw Tom, her new savior, down the hall. "Hey, Tom, that's your name, right?" She called. Jude was so thankful he came late, she would have had to embarrass herself in front of the class if he hadn't. "Hey!" She shouted louder.

He turned around, "What?" He looked annoyed at her and she ignored it. Seeing him this close Jude could tell just how gorgeous he was. His hair was styled to perfection, his blue eyes piercing, he had on a pair of jeans, and a white t-shirt that showed his defined muscles. "Hello...?" He smirked.

She rolled her eyes, "Hi, you sat next to me in class I— "

"Yes." Tom cut her off, " I was quite amused by your little attempt to hide, what was that about?" _Greeeeeat_, she thought, _he probably thinks I'm a freak_.

"Never mind about that!" Jude snapped. "I was— Look, I just wanted to thank you for being late...you might not know it but you saved my ass back there."

"Alright..." He replied confused, "Well, since we're sitting next to each other I might as well introduce myself. I'm Tommy Quincy."

"Tommy," she smiled shaking his hand, "I'm Jude Harrison."

Sometimes you don't know when the beginning starts. Just like Jude didn't know this would be her favorite beginning for the rest of her life.

( : : )

After his classes were over he went to Paegan to figure out the mystery about this Jude he was raving about. He had known Paegan for a long time and anyone he was impressed with had to be an angel.

But that wasn't the only reason he was there. Jude had him intrigued. Her long, wavy, blond hair, curvy hips, and big, beautiful, blue, crystalline eyes had Tommy more than hypnotized. He couldn't remember the last time a girl did something like that to him by just looking at her. "Hey Paegan."

"Tom." He raised his eyebrows at him. Paegan was disappointed that Jude couldn't sing today, he had all about searched for her, that voice she possessed was beautiful. He ignored Tommy's rolling eyes, "What do you want?"

"So this Jude girl you were speaking about sits next to me. What's up with her?"

"She is an amazing singer." Paegan explained how she sang for the class when she was here before. "Jude is going to be a star one day, no doubt about that."

( : : )

"Kat! Kat! You home?" Jude walked in their apartment, "Kat?"

"Yeah, Jude." She called out from her room.

Jude walked over to her room and sat on Kat's bed next to her. "Hi, how was your day?" She hoped the editor from the magazine liked her. Kat was talented she knew, it would be amazing if she got discovered.

"My clothes are in next months magazine!" Kat smiled.

Jude hugged her, "That's great!" At least someone's dreams were coming true... "I knew they would like your clothes! Look how far you're coming along, I'm so proud of you!"

"And I'm so worried about you." Kat sighed. "After what you told me this morning, Jude, I— I don't know what to think. Especially because tomorrow..." Kat was really concerned for her friend.

"I know what tomorrow is!" She yelled. Tomorrow would mark the five-year anniversary of the day Jamie got cancer. "Don't worry, Kat. I'm going to be fine..."

Jude was **not** fine. She walked into music class with her face swelled, eyes red, and mascara smeared all over her face. Today was awful and she thought she was an idiot for coming here. Jude had told herself she wasn't going to let Jamie get in the way starting now. Jude took her seat next to Tommy. "Hey Jude."

She smiled as he chuckled at his joke, "Hi...hi Tommy."

Tommy looked at her, "Are you okay?" Why was he asking her this? he thought. Tommy had never cared for girls and never liked getting involved in the drama surrounding them. Jude was about to say something but class had started. Tommy reached in his pocket and handed her some tissues. 'Thank you,' she mouthed out. He smiled and nodded at her, 'No problem.' And he was positive he had never done something like that!

Jude found the corners of her lips curving upwards. She was smiling, an actual real smile. "Jude would you like to sing?" And just like that it was gone.

"I, um, I— I...don't really sing anymore. I..." She looked around the room at everyone staring at her. _Shit_, Jude thought, _what am I suppose to say?_ "I— "

"—Jude's not feeling that well today, Mr. Smith." Tommy noticed how nervous she was so he helped her and cut in, "The flu has been going around so it wouldn't surprise me if she was sick."

"Oh, well that's alright, Jude." Paegan said. He went to his book and started talking to the class.

"How did you—Why did you do that for me?" Jude was in awe when Tommy lied for her.

"You looked like you needed some help..." Tommy whispered back. He had no clue why he did that for her either!

"Well thanks," She said. "...again," Jude added. "I really didn't want to do that."

It was then Tommy noticed the broken look on her face, "Are you— no problem." He decided to ignore it, "You know you owe me, that's two days in a row I've done something for you.

"What do you want?" Jude could tell she was getting herself into trouble.

"Do you have any classes between noon and two?" She shook her head. "Good, you will be taking me to lunch."

( : : )

"So Jude, where are we going?" Tommy asked her when they met at noon.

Jude rolled her eyes. "You'll see!" She was only going to take him to her apartment throw together a lunch, and have a picnic by the lake. "Follow me!"

It had been quiet for a couple of minuets and Tommy wanted to break the silence. "How old are you, Jude?"

She laughed, "You're asking me my age?" Tommy smirked and nodded at her. "I'm twenty-three." She smiled at him, "What about you?"

"You're asking— " He stopped when he saw the look Jude was giving him. "Kidding," he raised his hands defensively. "Twenty-five."

"What's your favorite color?"

When they got to Jude's apartment they had found out a lot about each other. Favorite foods, favorite colors, favorite bands...Tommy had even found out Jude has a tattoo. He also found out that he really wants to find where it is. "Kat?" She called. "She's not home I guess." Jude looked at Tommy, "You can go sit down, help yourself to anything. I'm going to get the lunch ready."

"Need any help?"

"No. This is my lunch to you," she smiled. "You just go make yourself comfortable."

Tommy nodded at her and Jude walked away. He looked around the apartment. It was very girly and Tommy figured Jude's friend decorated it. If he found out anything from their little game of twenty questions it was that Jude was anything but girly! He saw a bookshelf filled with vinyl records and smiled. Tommy went over to the shelf, she had everything!

"You found my collection." Jude walked in.

"Yeah, your colossal sized collection." Tommy said, "How could I not find it?"

She laughed and pulled out a record, "This ones my favorite." Jude smiled. Tommy chuckled. "What?" She said defensively.

"Nothing," he answered. "That's my favorite record too." He mirrored the smile playing on her lips.

"Let's get going," Jude said, breaking the silence. "I got some food." She hit him with the picnic basket in her hands and walked away.

( : : )

They had finished their lunch and were talking. "Today in class you said you don't sing anymore, why?" Tommy looked over at Jude.

"I stopped singing a long time ago," Jude sighed. "My boyfriend got cancer and I dropped out of college. I put my life on hold just for him, I wanted to be there with him every step of the way. I stopped everything, even my dream of becoming a professional singer."

"He's okay now?" He wanted him to be okay but Tommy hoped he wasn't in her life anymore. He was getting a little jealous of this boyfriend.

"No," she frowned. "He died." They had just met and she couldn't believe she was telling him this.

"I'm sorry." Tommy looked at her with guilt, he could she the pain on her face. _Maybe that's why she looks so lost_, he thought.

"Yeah...me too." Jude got up suddenly, "I have to go," She couldn't let another man in her life, not after what happened to Jamie.

"Don't, please. We still have another hour." Tommy like talking to Jude. She was one of the only girls he could talk to without feeling completely disgusted.

She shook her head, "You don't want to get close to me, Tom." She tried to walk away.

"Why not?" He got up next to her

"I'm messed up." She choked out. "I can't do anything right. I'm a failure. You'll just end up wishing you never met me." Jude started crying, "Or you won't even get to cause you'll end up dead like Jamie."

Tommy realized what she was doing. She was trying to push him away because she was afraid something bad would happen. "Jude," He said softly. "Just because he died doesn't mean everyone else that gets close to you will." Tommy pulled her close to him and hugged her.

"You're right. I— " She sighed, "It's been five years today since he got cancer. I guess that's why I'm so upset." She lied. Jude was about to let him in and she promised herself she would never to do that with anyone else ever again. Jude didn't want to get her heart broken again. "I still don't think you should be friends with me. I'll get close to you and do something to screw it up and you'll regret being friends with me..."

"Jude," Tommy said sternly. "Please, just stop. Please." He closed his eyes and couldn't believe he was about to say this, "I really want to be friends with you, Jude. After today," he paused. "You're just a really cool chick, alright?"

She let out a laugh and looked down, "I..."

"Jude." Tommy took her chin and forced her to look at him. "You'd be a perfect new friend for me. I need someone in my life right now, I don't have anyone. I'd be safer if I had a friend."

Jude was afraid if she got too close to Tommy she would end up hurt in the end. This is a guy Jude could definitely see herself maybe falling in love with in the future. She didn't want to lose another guy.

"And I should be the one that would ruin this friendship," he admitted. "These pass couple of years I've been in a bad place. I was messed up." Tommy looked Jude in the eyes, "I know how it feels to lose somebody you love like you do, Jude. But I learned to deal with that and I moved on. It changed me after I did and you might be afraid of letting go of Jamie but if you do, you'll always have him right here." Tommy pointed to her heart.

She took his hand and linked their fingers together. "Fine, but only friends."

"That's all I'm asking!"

Jude smiled the whole way to her apartment. Maybe it would be good for her to have a guy friend, even just a new friend. Kat had been the only person she had for a while. Tommy was different, definitely unlike anyone else she had ever met, and Jude liked that. She hoped they wouldn't get too close, she didn't know what she'd do if she lost another person she loved.

"Now there's a smile I haven't seen in a while!" Kat exclaimed as Jude walked inside their apartment. "Who's the boy?"

"What are you talking about?"

"That boy smile!" Kat responded. "I know that look. The smile that won't go away, the sparkle in your eye, that dazed expression." She said. "You've found somebody..."

"No I haven't!" Jude laughed. "I had lunch with someone but it wasn't a date or anything." Kat looked at Jude and rolled her eyes. "I'm telling the truth! He did something nice for me and I owed him... we're friends, nothing more!" She looked at her more seriously, "Kat?" She asked.

"Yeah?"

"Is it okay..." She sighed. "Am I a bad person if I didn't think about Jamie once all day?" Jude surprised herself with this revelation. She couldn't believe the only time a thought came about him was earlier in the day. "I mean I was talking about him with Tommy."

Kat eyes were wide. "Okay, I've got to meet this Tommy guy! You didn't think about Jamie once when you were with him?" Jude shook her head. "He has to be an angel! You know how hard I've tried to get you to stop?"

"Yeah," Jude whispered.

"Don't feel bad or guilty that he escaped your mind for a couple of hours. It's a good thing, you're finally moving on."

"No, I'm not..." she choked out. "I've been trying to move on ever since Jamie's been gone, but it's hard. I don't think I can."

"You can!" Kat shouted. "I know you can. One day when you find a man that you love you're going to think that it was silly that is took you five years to stop thinking about Jaime!" She yelled, "You have to get over him!"

"I know!" Jude walked away into her room with tears in her eyes. Her blurry vision was keeping her from seeing the pictures of her and Jaime all around the room. She knew it was time to let him go, it had been for a while. She wanted to so badly, but she couldn't, Jude just wished everything would go away. Jude had to get out of there. She walked out and grabbed her keys, "I'm going out, I need some air."

She started to take the path to the cemetery that she had grown accustomed to. Jude walked to the headstone she was looking for and laid beside it. Because it was a lost easier to go back to the beginning, to a place so familiar, than to start at the ending, to a path she had never taken.

( : : )

Hope you guys liked it!  
Please review!


	3. Forgetting

**Chapter Two: Forgetting**

After Jude had calmed herself down from the fight she started to walk back home. As she walked past the pier she heard somebody playing guitar. Jude smiled and found herself walking to the bench that they were sitting on. She saw the brown hair—styled to perfection, as always—that she had familiarized herself with earlier that day. "Tommy?"

He stopped playing and turned around, "Oh hi, Jude." Tommy saw her swollen eyes, "You okay?"

Jude quickly wiped at her eyes hoping she could hide the fact she had just been crying for hours, "I'm fine; me and Kat just got into a fight." She smiled at him, "You play?"

He moved over on the bench and patted the spot next to him, "Yeah, did you hear me?" Tommy asked as Jude sat next to him.

"A little. It sounded good." She looked at him, "You want to play for me?" Jude smiled as he nodded and started strumming. She watched him put everything into the song he was playing; Tommy reminded Jude of herself, how she used to be when she played. Jude's mouth curved upwards when he started singing. "You're really good, Tommy," she said once he stopped playing.

He shook his head, "My voice isn't the greatest; I bet you're better than me." Tommy smiled, "You want to play? You don't have to sing or anything..." he quickly added after seeing her hesitant face. Tommy handed her his guitar.

"Okay, I guess," Jude sighed. "But it's going to be rough, I haven't picked a guitar up in years." She started struming and before she knew it, she was making up her own chords to a new song. Jude found herself losing herself in the much for what seemed to be the first time in many years. She stopped and smiled.

"What was that? I've never heard that song before." Tommy said.

"Me either! I guess I just made it up." Jude was shocked, she couldn't believe she had just done that, maybe she really was letting go of Jamie.

"Well it sounded really good," Tommy told her as she handed him the guitar. "Do you want me to drive you home?" He asked as he put the guitar away.

"Sure, but only if you're passing my apartment on the way to yours," she said. "I don't want you to drive anymore than you have to in this traffic."

"Okay, get in." Tommy's apartment was no where close to hers. In fact, his was on the other side of town. He would most likely get stuck in traffic seeing it was that time of day when the roads were always busy. But Tommy didn't care, he found himself wanting to spend that time with Jude, even if it was only for a few minutes.

When they got to the entrance of her apartment building Jude smiled and said goodbye to Tommy. She went into her apartment, into her room and got out the journal she hadn't touched in years. Jude smiled as she wrote down chords to her first song she had written in a while. It was only a guitar part, but at least she was getting somewhere. She heard a knock on the door, "Yeah?"

"What are you doing?" Kat asked as she opened the door and saw the journal in Jude's hands. She sat down next to her on Jude's bed.

"I'm just writing a song." Jude replied. "It's not anything special; just some chords to a song."

"That's good Jude!" She smiled. "You're getting somewhere. You haven't written anything in a long time." Kat looked at her, "I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks."

"So do you want to go out for dinner tonight?" Kat asked. She was trying not to say anything about earlier and hoped Jude wouldn't either.

Jude nodded, "Yeah." They hadn't gone out in forever, maybe it would be good for them just to have a fun night out together, she thought. Jude forgot about their fight earlier as she and Kat got started to get ready. Right before she walked out of her room Jude saw her dusty guitar in a corner of her room, next to it, on her dresser was a picture of Jamie. Jude smiled, maybe this, maybe forgetting was a good way to go.

_"I love you, Jude." Jamie said as he kissed her forehead. "Don't you ever forget that."_

She smiled, "I love you so much, Jamie." Jude tried to hug him but he took a step back. "Jamie what are you doing?" She asked. "Come back, you have to come back."

"Jude," he sighed. "You know it's time for me to leave, I've been stuck here for too long."

Jude shook her head, tears in her eyes. "No, Jamie. No!" She shouted. "You can't leave yet! I need you!"

"No you don't." Jamie forwned. "They're going to take me away now."

"No!" She screamed. "You can't go!" Jude ran to him and hugged him, "Please stay."

"I'm sorry, I can't." He looked at her, "It's time for me to go. Please let go, Jude. Let go, please."

"No I can't!"

"Yes you can! I know you can." Jamie said. "Just let go, you'll be okay."

"I can't Jamie!" She shouted, "I can't!"

"Goodbye Jude."  


"I can't let go!" Jude tossed and turned in her bed, repeating the same words over and over again. "I can't let go, I can't let go, I can't let go."

"Jude," someone shook her. "Jude c'mon, wake up! It's just a dream."

"I can't let go Jamie."

Kat sighed, of course she was dreaming of Jamie. Jude's screams had woken her up and she had gone to Jude's room to get her to stop dreaming about whatever it was she was dreaming of. "Jude it's fine. Jamie's gone, everything's okay."

"I can't..." Jude's eyes fluttered open. "Kat?"

She sighed, "Good, you woke up. Go back to sleep and stop dreaming about Jamie."

_Jamie_! Jude remembered her dream that seemed all too real. It had been a few weeks since she had played guitar with Tommy and she thought that she really was forgetting him... maybe she was wrong. "Sorry I woke you up." Jude looked around, covers were flown everywhere and she was covered in sweat. "That was a bad one."

"Yeah, I know." Kat got off of Jude's bed. "Now try to go back to sleep, please."

She nodded her head and watched Kat walk out. Jude sighed, _stop dreaming about him_, she told herself. Jude walked into her bathroom to get a glass of water. She grabbed a cup and filled it up. Jude saw her reflection and jumped, her hair was a mess and dark circles were below her eyelids. She bit her lip and walked back to her bed.

Jude had been having this reoccurring dream for awhile. Jamie would be with her but he was taken away by the end of it somehow. In everyone Jamie would tell her to let go and Jude wondered if it _was_ really Jamie trying to tell her to forget about him and move on.

Jude couldn't get back to sleep. Every time she shut her eyes Jamie would pop up in her mind. She laid awake thinking of the way things used to be with Jamie the whole night. Maybe this forgetting thing was just a huge flop.

( : : )

Jude walked inside music class that morning. She yawned as she sat down. She took her notebook and pen out and put on her desk. Jude fought another yawn.

"Did you sleep last night?"

"Not really..." When Jude got ready she looked even worst than last night ad she was hoping—not that it would happen— that no one would notice. "I—" she started.

"What?" Tommy asked her. She looked sadder than usual with the bags under her eyes.

"I had this dream... about Jamie." Jude frowned. "After that I couldn't get any sleep." She wanted to change the subject. "So what have you been up to? Did you party all weekend?"

"No," he said quickly, almost defensively.

"Is everything alright?" Jude asked. Normally he would be the one asking but his reaction was weird and Jude was only joking!

"Yeah, I'm fine." He didn't say anything else to her for the rest of class.

When class was over Jude got out of her seat and turned to Tommy, "Hey are we gonna-" she stopped as he stormed out of the room. "Go to lunch?" Jude whispered the last part to herself.

Why did he just do that? Why did he just walk away without saying a word to her? They had been going to lunch together since the first day of classes, so what happened? What had changed?

Jude sighed and walked out of the room. She saw Tommy talking to someone else that was in there class, Kwest, was that his name? Tommy looked really upset as he talked and when he looked at Jude something flashed in his eyes and he walked away. _What did I do_, she thought.

She walked up to the person he was talking to. "Hey," she said, "Kwest? Is that you're name?"

"Yeah."

"Hi! I'm Jude, I-" she started.

"You're Jude?" He shook his head and laughed.

Jude rose her eyebrows, "Yes? What are you laughing at?" This was no time for joking! Jude was really worried that she did something wrong and that it made Tommy really upset.

"Nothing, Tommy he just..." he trailed off.

"Okay," she said slowly. "Well, speaking of Tommy, you're good friends with him right?" Jude asked. "I see him talking to you in class sometimes."

"Yeah, I've been friends with him since we were kids." Kwest answered. "Why are you asking?"

"He was being..." She thought of a word for it, "weird today." Jude looked around, "Do you know if anything was wrong?" She really wanted to know. He hardly said a word to her in class and he normally would talk to her the whole time.

"Tommy was saying something about that just now, actually," he said. "I think someone said something to set him off..." Kwest looked at her, "Did you remember what you said to him last?"

"I was joking around, asking him if he partied this weekend and then he stopped talking to me."

Kwest shook his head, "That was probably it. Tommy... he doesn't do that stuff," he paused, "at least not anymore." Kwest added. "It's a sore subject for him."

"Why?" Jude questioned him. Was it her fault that Tommy walked away like that? Did she say something wrong? And what did Kwest mean by, 'not anymore.'.

"It's not my place to tell you that," Kwest said. "I gotta go. Just try not to talk about parting and drinking around Tommy, he gets upset."

"Alright, thanks for the tip." Jude walked back to her apartment to eat lunch alone wondering what was up with Tommy.

The next day when Jude walked into class Tommy wasn't there. But, on her desk there was a note, _Lunch?_, was written on it in messy scrawl. Jude smiled and hoped class would go by fast.

"Hey there stranger." Jude said as she walked to Tommy on the pier. She sat next to him and remembered when they played the guitar there a couple weeks ago.

Tommy gave her a small smile, "Hey Jude." He picked at the sandwich he was holding and handed Jude another one.

She took it and smiled. "Are you okay, Tommy?" Jude asked him, "I'm sorry if I said anything yesterday that made you upset, I didn't mean to."

"It's fine, Jude," he sighed. "It wasn't your fault. I'm sorry I ran off like that. I was just a little mad. I don't really like it when—" he stopped himself. Was he really going to let this girl that he met a couple of weeks ago know about his past when he never even talked about it with people he had known for years? Tommy looked at her and saw her guilty face. "But it wasn't because of you."

"Are you sure? It's okay if it was." Jude said. "I would understand."

"I'm sure." He smiled at Jude, "Let's just forget that happened and enjoy a nice lunch together, okay?"

"Okay," she returned the gesture and smiled back. Jude forgot about everything that had happened these past few weeks, she forgot her fight with Kat, that dream, and what had happened yesterday, and focused on Tommy and how good it felt to be sitting with him being herself once again. 


	4. Staying

**Chapter Three: Staying**

_"Happy birthday Jamie!" Jude said as she walked over to his bed and sat on his lap. "Are you ready for your present," she asked and Jamie only nodded as Jude began kissing his neck. She was going to make this a birthday to remember..._

"Jude? Jude!" Kat threw clothing at her and got Jude to snap out of it. "Are you thinking about Jamie? Remember what we discussed?" Kat paced back and forth. "You're suppose to be helping me anyway!" She started panicking, "What am I going to wear? What clothes am I going to bring? I have nothing! No clothes to wear, I need to make new clothes to bring!"

"Kat!" Jude calmed her down. "Relax, okay? Everything's going to be fine, alright?" She walked over to Kat's closet. "We're going to find some clothes for you to wear and some of your amazing designs to bring, okay?" She needed this right now. Jude needed and distraction and Kat was one right now... Jude pulled out a dress, "How 'bout this one?"

"I guess..." Kat sighed and took it from Jude's hands. She walked into her bathroom to go change.

Jude sighed as she plopped on Kat's bed. She couldn't stop having thoughts about Jamie. His birthday was today and she kept thinking of memories of his past birthdays even though she had been thinking about him a lot less lately. She stood up and faked a smile as Kat came out. "It looks good. Now lets get you some designs."

Kat grabbed one, "what about this one?" She was really nervous right now and Jude was being a big help. Kat was surprised that Jude even cared after all that had happened.

Jude nodded, "I'm sure they'll love it."

Kat gave her a small smile, "Thanks so much, Jude." They picked out some more of her design's and packed them in her bags. "Jude, you've been a big help, thank you so much."

She smiled, "That's what best friends are for, right?"

Kat nodded and hugged before she left.

-

Tommy was worried about Jude. He knew that today was Jamie's birthday and he didn't know how she would feel about it. When he walked into music and spotted Jude, he walked right up to her and ignored any other people trying to get his attention. He sat down next her, "Hey, how are you doing?"

"Alright, I guess..." Jude sighed. "I was helping Kat earlier today so it was a pretty good distraction." She didn't know why but she was feeling happy right now. Was it because Tommy was caring?

"That's good, so she's gone for the rest of the night?" Tommy asked.

Jude nodded her head, "Yep, I'm going to be home alone, but only for a few hours." She didn't want to be alone. Especially on Jamie's birthday. Jude was afraid she would spend the whole time crying in her room. "I..." she started, "Do you..."

"Do you want to do something tonight? So you're not alone... I'd hate it if you were today." Tommy wanted to spend some more time with Jude and this was a great opportunity just to be able to talk to her some more.

"Yeah, that sounds like fun." Jude smiled at him, glad that he asked. The rest of her classes seemed to go by slow as she anticipated her night with Tommy.

Jude walked to the quad where her and Tommy were going to meet up. She spotted him sitting on the ground, watching something very intently. Jude followed his eyes and saw a girl playing guitar, every now and then she would sing a few lyrics and write down some words. "Hey Tommy, mind coming back to earth anytime soon?"

Jude snapped him out of it, "Oh hey, Jude. Sorry, I was just..." Tommy trailed off.

"Staring at that girl?" She felt a little jealous, but that was it, only a little jealous. Jude looked at her again, "Got a crush or something?"

"No!" Tommy shouted. "No, no, no!" He looked at her, "She reminded me of you..."

"Oh, I.." Jude shut up.

"She looks so into it, like nothing else is there in the world besides her and her guitar..." Tommy smiled at Jude, "That's what you look like when you play."

Jude sat down next to him, "I used to be so good. I used to wake up and look forward to the moment when I could lose myself in my own little world. Used to. And then everything changed after he..."

"After he died?" Tommy finished for her.

"Yeah." Jude stayed silent and picked at the grass as she felt tears coming on.

"I'm sorry, Jude," Tommy said, "I shouldn't have..." He wiped the few tears falling down her face. He looked at her and saw Jude looking back at him. Tommy sucked in a breath, "Jude..."

"Tommy," she breathed out. She felt him coming closer and closer and closer, and then he kissed her... Jamie. Jamie. Jamie. Jude pulled away, "I can't do this. I got to go. Let's just cancel what we were going to do tonight. I..." Jude got up and started to run back to her apartment, and Tommy watched her go.

Jude sat on her couch thinking of Tommy. What was that feeling that she had in her chest when she was looking into his eyes? It felt like... it felt better than she had with Jamie. She gasped, what did that mean? Did that mean she was okay? Did that mean she was over Jamie? Did that mean she could write again?

She picked up a notebook and pen waiting for words to come to her. C'mon. Think, think, think. Jude sighed and put the notebook and pen down, she knew that words wouldn't come this easy.

Jude frowned and decided to go to bed, hoping whatever she was feeling for Tommy right now would be put to a rest.

( : : )

Jude woke up the next day and sighed, she didn't have any classes today and didn't know what she was going to do. She was about to get up when her phone rang. She picked it up from her nightstand, _Tommy_. "Hello?"

"Uh, hey Jude." Tommy cleared his throat. "Um, I was wondering... if you wanted to come over." He winced, this was a lot more awkward than he thought it would be. "There's someone special I want you to meet."

"Um, okay. I'll be there soon. Bye." Jude hung up before the conversation could get worse. She was worried about how things would be between them after that kiss they shared yesterday. Jude stood up and started to get ready.

And who was this someone special? Was it Tommy's girlfriend that he had never told Jude about and now that they kissed he was going to tell her to stay away? Jude had this feeling in her stomach... was she jealous?

She shook the last thought out of her head as she headed for the door. Jude hoped this feeling would pass.

When Jude got to Tommy's apartment she knocked on the door. "Hey," Tommy greeted her. He opened his arms for a hug and Jude mirrored him. As they got closer their heads knocked into each other and they did a little dance with their arms. She pulled away quickly. This was very awkward. "So..."

"Jude," he started. "Look, about yesterday..."

"Please, don't Tommy." She shook her head. "It's nothing. I'm fine, we're fine."

He rubbed his lips together as he thought about hers; how his felt pressed against hers, the way that they had fit perfectly together, and that Jude was so close that he could feel her breath on his neck. Forget? How could he? Tommy quickly nodded his head as he rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, "Alright."

"So who is this 'someone special' I'm meeting?" Jude asked avoiding his eyes.

"You'll see," Tommy smiled. "She should be here any minute." And just like that there was a knock on the door and his smile widened.

_She?_ So it was a girl... and he was wearing this goofy smile, like he... like he loved the girl! Jude's eyes narrowed as she brought them to the door that was about to be opened.

"You re—" Tommy stopped. She looked like she was about to kill someone! "Are you alright?"

Jude quickly stopped sending daggers through her eyes at the door. She gave him a smile, "I'm fine."Tommy gave her a look and he brought his attention back to the door with a smile. That smile... Jude thought, it had to be a girlfriend.

He opened the door and revealed a little girl and then, to Jude's dismay, a woman about Tommy's age. Two someone specials? He only said one! So maybe it wasn't a girlfriend, maybe it was just the little girl because looking at the two now, she could tell Tommy really cared about her.

"Hey Al!" He picked her up and spun her around. She giggled at him. Jude's heart swelled, he was so good with her. She could picture them together with a family, he would be a great dad. Whoa there! Slow down Jude. There's a possible girlfriend here and you're already thinking family? Jude left those thoughts as Tommy waved her over. "Come here, Jude." He gestured to the older woman first. "This is Lauren. Lauren, this is Jude."

"Hi, it's nice to meet you," Lauren said and shook her hand.

"You too," Jude faked a smile.

"Jude," Tommy said again. "This is Ali, Ali," he smiled when he said her name, "This is Jude."

Jude gave her a real smile, this was definitely the someone special he was talking about, hopefully that Lauren girl was just here to bring Ali to him. But why would she? What would Tommy be doing with a little girl? Was she his?

Ali turned to Tommy and whispered something in his ear. He nodded his head and whispered back. She giggled at what he had said. Tommy put her down and began to talk to Lauren.

Ali walked over to Jude and tugged on her shirt. Jude kneeled down next to her. "Guess what Tommy said," she whispered to Jude.

"What?" She smiled at her.

"He told me that he thinks your the prettiest girl he's ever met!" Ali giggled again.

"Did he really?" Jude felt her cheeks turning red.

She nodded her head, "Uh huh!" Ali ran off laughing.

Jude stood up again and walked over to Tommy as he shut the door. "What did she tell you?"

She smiled as she thought of what Ali had said to her. "Nothing," Jude shook her head. Did Tommy really think she was pretty? Did he really think she was the prettiest girl he's met?

"C'mon, I saw her whispering to you," Tommy took one of Jude's hands. He didn't know why, he just did.

She started swinging their arms back and forth, "She didn't say anything that you need to know!" Jude laughed and ran off just has Ali did.

Tommy shook his head, he could tell already he was in for a mess today.

( : : )

By the end of the day Jude, Tommy, and Ali were at the park. After telling Ali to go play by herself Tommy laid down next to Jude. "Hey."

She smiled at him, "Hi Tommy."

"Did you have fun today?" Tommy asked. He really hoped she liked being with Ali because she was really important in his life and Jude was becoming important too.

Jude nodded and laughed, "I had a lot of fun. She's really cute." She looked at Tommy, "Why do to take care of her?"

Tommy frowned, "One of my closer friends, her dad, had a car accident. Both her parents died." He sighed, "I take care of her on the weekends while Ali's aunt takes care of her during the week."

"So her aunt is..." Jude trailed off. "Um, is she..."

"She's just her aunt. To me at least." Tommy said. "I really don't care that much for her either, she hardly lets me see Ali during the week and sometimes she takes her on the weekend to business trips."

"That doesn't seem to be fair, if you want her you should be able to have her."

"I know," he nodded.

"She's really important to you, isn't she?" Jude asked him. She could tell that Tommy really loves her by the way that he plays with her and talks to her. He was really good with her.

"Yeah, she's really the only family I have."

"That's not true," Jude shook her head. "You have me."

Tommy smiled at Jude and wrapped his arms around her. They laid there looking at each other for a few minutes.

"Jude! Jude!" Ali ran over to them. They let go of each other and sat up. "Jude!"

"What Al?" Jude laughed at her as Ali jumped in her arms.

"Can you come push me on the swings?" Ali asked her. "Pretty please."

She gave her a smiled, "of course I will." Jude stood up and Ali grabbed her hand as she started to pull her over to the swings. She looked back at Tommy and he gave her a smile and a thumbs up, glad that two important people in his life right now were getting along

When they got back to Tommy's apartment it was time for Ali to go to bed. "Does Jude get to hear the song?" Ali asked Tommy as he tucked her in.

"Sure," he said and left the room.

"What song?" Jude asked Tommy has he reappeared with a guitar.

"I sing to her before she goes to sleep," he answered and started to pluck a few strings.

"Really? That's so sweet Tommy. I wish someone would sing to me before I went to sleep." Jude smiled at him.

"Maybe I will sometime," he smiled back at her.

Her heart did a little flop. Why did he do that to her? Why did he have to be sweet and make Jude feel things she didn't want to feel, at least not right now while she wasn't over Jamie. But, maybe since she was feeling this way she was at least starting to forget about him.

Tommy started singing and Ali clapped her hands excitedly. The way Tommy was with her made Jude even more confused about her feelings. She was amazed at how much Ali means to him, she hoped that one day she would be the same to Tommy.

The song was over and Tommy said goodnight and left the room. She made sure that Tommy wasn't around so he didn't hear her and shut the door. Jude walked over to her and sat on the bed, "You and Tommy are really close, right?"

She nodded her head. "Yes. Tommy is my best friend! I love being here so much!"

She smiled at her, "Do you..." She shook her head and laughed at herself, here she was going to ask a six-year-old for advice on guys. "Do you think he's a good... 'friend' "

"Friend?" Ali gave her a you're-not-fooling-me look. "You mean boyfriend... I'm six, I know what you're talking about."

"Smart girl," Jude muttered under her breath.

"He's a good guy. I think you two would be a perfect couple," she giggled.

Jude laughed at her and ruffled her hair. "Goodnight Ali," she smiled. "I'll try to come here tomorrow and say goodbye."

Ali nodded excitedly, "Okay!" She gave her a hug, "Good night Jude."

Jude laughed and walked out of the room. She spotted Tommy sitting on the couch and she sat down next to him. He put his arm around her. "Don't get too comfortable Tommy, I better go soon."

"Just sit down with me for a little bit," Tommy laid his head on the back of the couch and closed his eyes.

Jude watched him, _you two would make the perfect couple_... would they? "Earlier today Ali told me something."

"What did she say," he replied.

"She told me that you said I was the prettiest girl you've ever met," she smiled.

Tommy opened his eyes and laughed nervously, "Did she really?"

"Uh huh," Jude laughed. "Is that true, Tommy? Do you really think I'm the prettiest girl you've ever met?" She teased.

"You know what, I do think it's time for you to leave." She gave him a look. He rolled his eyes, "Yes I said that. Well, I actually remember saying that you were the most beautiful girl I've met."

"Aw, Tommy!" Jude gave him a hug, "You're the prettiest boy I've ever met!" She giggled.

"Okay, c'mon Jude." He pulled her off the couch and led her to the door. "I've had enough of you for one day."

She laughed at him, "Tommy!" Jude grabbed her jacket. "I'm coming back here tomorrow to say goodbye to Al."

"Okay, I'm glad that you two like each other." Tommy smiled. "She doesn't normally like friends of mine that she meets, it's only the people that last awhile that she likes... and she likes you a lot!"

"Well then I guess you can't get rid of me as easily as you thought you could, huh Quincy?"

"Oh joy..." He rolled his eyes and opened the door, "Goodbye Jude." He playfully pushed her out.

Jude's jaw dropped, "Tommy," she whined.

The door opened again and Tommy gave her a kiss on the cheek, "I'm glad." he whispered in her ear. "Goodnight Jude."

"Goodnight Tommy," she had trouble getting the words out as he walked back in his apartment. Did he just...? He was glad that she would be in his life for awhile? She was beginning to hope that he would stay in her life. Jude sighed and leaned against the wall for a moment. Maybe it would be good for this feeling to stay.


	5. Butterflies & Feelings

**Chapter Four: Butterflies & Feelings**

Jude laughed at what Tommy said as they walked to her apartment. Everything had seemed to be going quite well lately. In these past few months she and Tommy had gotten really close, spending lunch together everyday and passing notes in music class. And her and Kat were doing good, too! But no matter how much fun she was having, there was always that nagging voice in her head that reminded her of Jamie.

Jamie, oh yes. She was still having those dreams about Jamie, still feeling that guilty feeling in her stomach. And that guilty feeling was even bigger when she felt those stupid butterflies in her stomach when she looked at Tommy. Jude wouldn't deny, she was feeling something—she didn't know what—for Tommy.

It reminded her of something Ali had said to her last weekend...

_"Jude! Look!" Ali giggled and showed Jude her butterfly cage, "I caught some butterflies!"_

Jude had too!

Jude frowned when they got to her apartment door. She glanced at Tommy and heard him sigh. Was that a sad sigh? Was he sad that she was leaving? She hoped so. "So..." Jude said.

"So..." Tommy stood there for a moment. "Are you going to be okay this weekend?" He hoped nothing bad would happen while Kat was away in New York for some fashion thing.

"Yes, I'm a big girl!" Jude replied. "I think I can take care of myself." She sighed, butterflies in her stomach, not from Tommy. Okay, maybe just a little. But they were the nervous kind of butterflies. Yes, it was silly that she was nervous. She was twenty-three! Jude should be able to handle this fine. But it was the first time she would be alone for a whole weekend without someone else since Jamie died. "Maybe not..." Jude sighed. "Do you want to stay for a bit and watch a movie with me?"

Tommy tried to hide his smile, "Sure." He played it cool, try to act like your not excited, he told himself. But he couldn't help himself, it was the first time he had felt this way since...

Since Angie. He had been in love with Angie seven years ago and when she died he was devastated. Tommy had always had a bottle in hand for a while until Kwest came along and sobered him up. Tommy was real thankful for Kwest, if not for him he wouldn't have gotten over Angie or maybe he would have never met Jude.

The last thought scared him. Jude had been... Jude had been what he had looked forward to everyday. He didn't know what had been making him feel this way but there was something about her... Maybe it was her smile, or her laugh. Maybe it was, though he saw her do this rarely, the way she lost herself in the music when she played guitar. Maybe it was her crystal blue eyes that made him feel like he was swimming through the ocean. Or her curly blond locks or even her stubborn attitude. He didn't know what exactly it was but he had been so happy when he was with her lately. And he only hoped she felt the same too.

Tommy walked in her apartment and smiled at her as she plopped herself on the couch. "My stomach is going to explode!" Jude groaned.

"Maybe you should have stuck with your first cheeseburger," he joked. Tommy was amazed how she could eat like that but still stay that skinny. If he hadn't known her he would have thought something was wrong with her.

"Whatever, Tommy! You ate all my fries!" She whined. "The fries are my favorite part!"

He laughed at her, "you said you didn't want them!" Of course he was defending himself! Jude could get feisty sometimes and he didn't want her to get mad.

"Yeah, yeah." Jude sat up. "So what are we watching?" she asked as Tommy sat on the couch next to her.

"I don't know you tell me." He said. "I don't know what movies you own."

"Can you just go in the cabinet under the TV, there's some movies down there." Jude pointed. "Just pick a random one."

"Why don't you do it?"

"Because I'm lazy, just do it." Jude smiled sweetly at him, "please."

Tommy's face softened, "Alright," he grumbled and got up. How did she know that she had that affect on him? Did she know how he was feeling? He picked a movie and put it in. When he sat back down on the couch Jude snuggled into his side and he couldn't help but smile. His arm automatically went around her as he got use to the feeling of her next to him. His breathing slowed down as he looked down and saw Jude smiling at him. This was a good feeling, he decided.

Jude didn't know why she had leaned on Tommy, but it seemed right, especially when he wrapped his arm around her. Her heart beat sped up and she smiled at him, everything just came automatic, it was almost natural.

Tommy was glad he picked the movie he did. He could tell it was one of Jude's favorites, she knew all the lines and she laughed at almost about everything. That was his favorite part, hearing her laugh. Since they had known each other she hadn't laughed all that much and he was glad she was having fun. And he loved her laugh, her nose would crinkled and she sometimes snorted. She was adorable and he loved every moment of it.

The movie was almost over and Tommy heard Jude's light snores. He smiled to himself, she sounded so cute. He started to get up to leave. "Stay..." he heard Jude whisper. His heart swelled and he sat back down allowing Jude to snuggle into him again. Tommy closed his eyes, pulled Jude closer to him and also fell asleep.

When Jude woke up it was morning. She found that she was lying in her bed and not on the couch. How did she get here? Did Tommy bring her over here, she thought with a smile. Where was Tommy? Did he leave? She sighed disappointed when she looked around and didn't see him there.

Jude got off her bed and realized she smelled something, pancakes maybe? She walked over to the kitchen and saw a note on the table.

_Good morning lazy head,  
It's Saturday and I have Ali! After she comes we'll come visit you. I'm sure she'll be excited to see you! Hope you like the pancakes I made for you!  
—Tommy._

She smiled to herself and felt those butterflies again. There was no heart or love at the end which left her a little disappointed but she was still in a daze. Jude quickly ate a pancake—which was really good—so she could shower before Tommy came back.

When Jude walked into her living room after getting ready she heard a knock on the door. Just in time, she thought. She opened the door and smiled, "Hey Tommy!" Jude looked at him confused, "Where's Ali?"

"Hey, you're up!" They walked inside as Jude gestured him in. "I got a call from her aunt, Lauren had a business trip. She took Ali with her."

Jude frowned, "That stinks. I was looking forward to seeing her."

"Me too," he nodded.

"You shouldn't just let her do that," she said as she shook her head. "You should be able to have a say in what Ali does."

"I know," he sighed. "I just feel like if I speak up, Lauren will make sure I don't have her at all."

"But she can't do that Tommy," Jude said.

"Yes she can," he responded. "Lauren's her aunt, I'm just some friend of her dead parents."

"Not to Ali you aren't." Jude had realized in the past weekends with Ali that Tommy was more to her. She even knew that Ali thought of Tommy like a father, she had even told her!

_"Where's my dad?" Ali said to Jude as they ate their ice cream. Her's eyes widened, "I mean Tommy, I said my Tommy."_

_Jude gave her a knowing look, "Uh huh..." She smiled to herself, she knew how close they were. "You know it's okay if you think of Tommy as your dad even if he isn't."_

_"I know, but..." Ali sighed. "What if he doesn't want me to call him my dad?"_

_Her jaw dropped in disbelief. "I think it would be the happiest day of his life if he heard you call him your dad! You really think he doesn't want you to be his daughter?"  
__  
Jude watched Ali shrug her shoulders and mumble an "I don't know."_

_"He loves you, more than I've seen anyone love someone else." More than I loved Jamie... she thought, __**Did I just think that...?**__ Jude took a breath and shook her head. "I think that sometimes he wishes you were his daughter."_

_Ali opened her mouth and was about to say something but Tommy came back. "Hey Al." He sat next to her and put his arm around her. She smiled and leaned into him, "Hey Tommy."_

_She smiled at the two and mouthed "See," to Ali. She shook her head and stuck her tongue out at Jude._

_"Am I missing something?" Tommy asked._

_Both shook their heads and said a quick, "No!" Then they both looked at each and started to laugh, leaving a confused Tommy. _

Jude retold the story to Tommy and watched him as his face lit up. "She loves you more than you know. If Lauren were to ever take her away from you, Ali wouldn't let it happen... I wouldn't let it happen either!"

He smiled at Jude, "You've gotten close to her. I'm sure she loves you just as much."

"I hope so, I love her. She's like a little sister to me," Jude admitted. "I wish we got to see her today."

"Me too," Tommy sighed. "Did you sleep alright?"

"Yeah..." she said slowly. As Jude thought of it she realized she slept real well, she hadn't had a dream of Jamie. "Great, actually." And it wasn't just because of Jamie, it was because the way they had slept. Jude woke up in the middle of the night and found herself cuddled up in Tommy's arms. He was lying on the couch and she was on top of him.

And Tommy was excited about that, too! After he woke up in the morning he was happy to find Jude in his arms. He had that feeling again, that he wasn't so sure of. He gave Jude a smile and they shared a look. "C'mon," Tommy took Jude's hand, "let's make this day worth something."

Tommy and Jude had finished their daily lunch at the pier and were at the park lying down in the grass. He turned towards Jude and saw her deep in thought, "Hey," he whispered. "What are you thinking about?"

She looked at him and a faint shade of blush appeared on her cheeks. She was thinking about Tommy. She was thinking that when Jamie was with her she didn't always feel butterflies in her stomach, Jude got over the butterflies after a few weeks. Jude and Tommy's friendship had been going on for a few months and she still felt butterflies. Did that mean anything?

Jude was really unsure of her feelings for Tommy right now. She didn't know what it was she was feeling, but she decided she would admit that she felt something for him.

"Nothing really," she lied. "Jamie."

He sighed, "again?"

She nodded her head, "It's hard not to think about him." Jude knew she shouldn't be lying to him.

"I know what you mean."

"I— you do?" Jude questioned him.

He nodded his head. Tommy decided he would tell Jude about the girl he had loved seven years ago. "Her name was Angie. I thought I loved her. We would go everywhere together, you would never see either one of us without each other. But then..." Tommy's voice cracked.

Jude shook her head, "Stop, you don't have to tell me."

"She died." He breathed in, "And I realized, a couple years later, I never really loved her, she wasn't the one for me." Tommy looked at Jude, "But I know how it feels and I can help you. If you just let me in, I can help you, I know I can."

"It's not that I don't want your help," Jude said. "I just don't know if I want to be that girl anymore. I like who I am now, especially with you here, I just have to figure out who that is."

Tommy took Jude's hand in his. He tried his best to hide his smile when she linked their fingers together. Tommy turned his head towards her and saw tears pooling in her eyes. "Jude, you okay?"

She quickly let go of his hand and faced the opposite way. Jude blinked a couple of times and swallowed the lump in her throat, "I'm fine." She shook her head and tried to compose herself.

"Jude..." Tommy trailed. "You know you can tell me anything." He hated when she did this; when Jude would just shut herself out from him.

"I..." Jude started. "I don't want to feel like this," she admitted. Didn't want to feel like what? She asked herself. She was starting to believe that sentence was more about her feelings for Tommy and not Jamie.

"Like what?" He turned Jude around so that she was facing him again. Tommy cupped her face in his hands and wiped the tears off her face with his thumbs.

"Depressed," she let out a shaky breath, not because of what she said, but because of how close she was to Tommy. Jude looked away and tried to ignore the nagging voice in her head that was telling her this was about Tommy. "I hate feeling like this Tommy. I really hate this." Tears started to poor out of her eyes.

Tommy wrapped his arms around her as Jude buried her face in his shoulders. "It's okay, Jude," he rubbed her back. "Everything's going to be okay."

"How do you know that?" She looked at Tommy, their noses almost touching. "This isn't all about Jamie... I'm starting to have feelings for you, Tommy. And it scares me." Jude got lost in his deep blue eyes and before she realized what she was doing, she kissed him.

Tommy responded and pulled Jude closer to him so that their bodies were pressed against each other. He fisted her blond locks in his hands and then he realized something. He pulled away from Jude. "I—I feel something for you, too." Tommy looked away and hoped what he was about to say wouldn't ruin them. "I just don't know if I can be with someone who's caught up in somebody else."

Jude's hand suddenly connected with his face. "Asshole!" She got up and started to walk away.

Tommy clenched his jaw; he should have saw that coming! "Jude! Jude wait!" He spun her around once he caught up with her and saw the tears falling down her cheeks. His face immediately dropped and he pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry, Jude. I'm so sorry."

Jude gave in and wrapped her arms around his neck. "It's fine," she mumbled on his chest. "You're right."

"No I—"

"Tommy you are! I'm way too caught up in Jamie to start a relationship," she sighed. "But still with you it's different; if it were any other guy I wouldn't have cared. Kat's tried with other guys. I've been set up on so many dates in the past few years, but I didn't care about any of them. I had no interest in any one of the numerous amount of dates. But, with you, I want to try. I want to stop thinking about him. And I know someday I will, especially with a guy like you waiting for me."

Tommy smiled and squeezed her. "You're too good for me!"

Jude giggled as Tommy picked her up and spun her around. "More like the other way around!" Jude said and he rolled her eyes. She looked at him serious, "Thank you, Tommy. For always being here when I need to talk, for making me feel better. Thank you for being a friend." Tommy gave her another hug. She sighed and smiled at him. Jude knew that one day she would get over Jamie. She knew one day she would get over this obstacle, but she just had to get through the little bumps first.

When Tommy and Jude walked into Jude's apartment, inspiration filled her mind. Tommy's words kept repeating over and over again, _if you let me in, I can help you, I know I can. _Jude gasped and turned to Tommy, "I'll be right back."

She ran to her room and took out her journal. Jude sighed as she skipped the first couple of pages, knowing what would be there. Her old inspiration, pictures of her and Jamie. She found a blank page in the back and scribbled down the lyrics floating around in her head.

_If you let me in, I won't let you down. Put your faith in me. 'Cause whenever you crash, wherever you land, that's where I'll be._

_Where does it hurt._

Her heart raced as she repeated the words to herself out loud. Jude smiled and couldn't believe that she had just done that. She laughed at herself as she felt tears coming, but they weren't sad tears, they were tears of joy!

"Jude?" She heard Tommy call for her.

"I'm in my room!" Jude shouted.

Tommy opened the door and saw the tears on her face "Jude," he said softly.

"I'm okay, Tommy." She laughed again. "They're happy tears. I just wrote my first lyrics in years because of you." Jude got up and kissed his cheek. "Thank you," she whispered.

Tommy hugged her, "it was all you, Jude. You didn't write because of me." He rested his forehead on hers, "I'm proud of you."

Jude smiled at Tommy, there were those butterflies again... Maybe she had already started getting through this obstacle, maybe she had already made it through the bumps, and maybe it was good to have these feelings for Tommy.

* * *

**A/N: **:) I'm almost done with the next chapter and it should be done soon.  
I hope everyone is enjoying the story as much as I enjoy writing it.

Please review!  
Even if you want to say you hate it... okay, maybe not, but I'd still enjoying some reviews. :D


	6. Dr Jude & Nurse Ali

**Chapter Five: Dr. Jude & Nurse Ali**

The next weekend Jude's phone woke her up. She groaned as the music came to her hears and cursed at whoever was calling her. "Hello?" She grumbled into the phone.

"Jude," Tommy sniffled. "I'm feeling a little...ah, ah," he sneezed into the phone.

"Sick," she finished for him with a giggle. "Your voice sounds really cute when your sick," Jude admitted.

"Jude," he whined. She giggled again. "I can't take care of," he coughed, "Ali today. I don't want her getting sick," he finished with a sneeze.

"I'll take care of her for you! And I'll even take care of you, too," Jude laughed. She didn't want to not see Ali for another weekend! She ignored the voice telling her she wanted to see Tommy, too. "Kat always tells me I'm a great doctor when it comes to taking care of the sick and needy... and you sound needy!"

"Jude, _really_?" He coughed again. "It's more than just a regular cold, I'm pretty sure I have the flu and I don't want you getting sick either..."

She smiled, "Aw, Tommy. That's okay, I'm immune to your sickness! _I_ got my flu shot," Jude stated proudly and Tommy rolled his eyes even though she couldn't see him. "And I really want to see Ali," she complained.

"You know," another sneeze, "it offends me that you use me for Al."

"Well, I want to see you, too," she whispered quietly into the phone.

"What, Jude?" Tommy asked and smiled at what she said. "I can't hear you, you know I'm sick, my hearing is a little off."

"Tommy," she whined. "I know you heard me! Stop embarrassing me!"

"I swear I couldn't hear you," he lied.

"I want to see you, too," Jude mumbled. She was glad he couldn't see her face right now, it was as red as a tomato.

"Huh? I was coughing." He really was that time! But, he still had heard her.

"Tommy, stop!" She buried her face in her hands. "I want to see you, too," she shouted.

"Jude, that's so nice," he said. He was hoping that it was true. Tommy had gotten use to spending every weekend with her while Ali was there and the thought of not seeing her for one had made him sort of upset. Okay, so maybe _more_ than sort of upset, but only a little more.

"Tommy," she warned.

He rolled his eyes, "and I guess it would make me feel a _little_ bit better if you come over." It would make him feel more than a little bit better, he told himself.

Jude smiled, "That's more like it! The doctor will be in, in a couple of minutes with some yummy chicken noodle soup!"

Tommy couldn't stop laughing, "Jude... the doctor will be in?"

"Yes," she replied seriously. "Now if you want me to take care of you stop making fun of me!"

"Okay, okay, Dr. Jude. I'll call up Lauren and tell her to bring Nurse Ali," Tommy chuckled but stopped as he started a fit of coughing.

"See! That's karma," Jude rolled her eyes. "You're going to regret laughing at me. You don't know what I could be doing to your soup!"

"Alright, I'll stop," he sneezed. "Please come soon!"

She smiled, "I will! You sound like your in a lot of need for my famous soup!"

"Where is it?" Jude groaned as she searched each cabinet. Glasses, plates, boxes of food, cereal, crackers, but no soup! How could they have no soup in this apartment? "Ugh!"

"Jude is everything okay," Kat asked as she walked into the kitchen.

"Uh huh. I'm just looking for some soup but it seems like we don't have any. Tommy called and said he was feeling sick so I told him I would come over with some soup."

"Oh, I see," Kat replied. "So you two are getting really close, yeah?"

Jude nodded in reply as sge put her search to a hold. "Yeah," she smiled thinking about Tommy.

"Like boyfriend and girlfriend close?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I kind of think I want it to be like that," Jude admitted.

"That's great Jude!" Kat smiled at her, "So no more Jamie?"

"It's getting there," Jude realized. After the weekend she started thinking about Jamie less and less. She smiled as she recalled her past weekend, their kiss, when Tommy admitted his feelings, the butterflies, the way Tommy had made her feel... "Most of the time I don't think about him." Jude was glad for that! She hated feeling like some helpless girl that was hung up on someone that was... no longer here. And besides, now most of her time was spent thinking about Tommy.

"That's real good Jude," Kat took off her phone and wrote a message to someone.

"Who are you texting," Jude asked as she walked to the front door.

"Oh, no one!" She avoided Jude's eyes. Kat was texting Jamie. She had known ever since the day that Jamie "died" that he really didn't. Kat felt really guilty that she didn't tell Jude the truth, but she couldn't! She promised Jamie she wouldn't and Kat didn't like how clingy Jude was to him. She needed to get over him because Kat knew how much of a jerk he had become. Jamie had a different girl almost everyday and spent most of his nights at bars. There was something inside her head always telling her to tell Jude, but Kat couldn't bring herself to do it because she was afraid that Jude would go running back to him. Jude deserved more than that so Kat kept this one not-so-little secret to herself.

"Alright. Well I guess I'm off to the grocery store," Jude sighed. "Do you need anything?" She watched Kat shake her head silently. "You okay?" Jude had been wondering that a lot about Kat, at least during the times when she wasn't asking that to herself. Lately Kat had been acting... strange. It seemed like she was always trying to sneak out or was hiding things from Jude.

"Uh huh."

She ignored it and stopped worrying. "Okay. Have a wonderful day!" Jude smiled and opened the door.

"Jude, wait," Kat stopped her. Kat knew what Jude was feeling right now even if Jude herself didn't know. She knew why she had been so bubbly whenever she got home from her lunches. She could tell that Jude was feeling the beginnings of love. It was like the way she acted when she had started dating Jamie. Kat noticed that she was always smiling, always trying to brighten anyone else's day that wasn't feeling quite as happy as she was, and humming when she didn't realize it. Kat was the most surprised when she heard Jude quietly singing in the shower.

"Huh?" Jude turned around.

"Promise me you'll be careful, I don't want what happened the last time to you." Kat sighed, "I don't want you to fall too deep."

"What are you talking about?" Jude questioned.

"I know you don't realize it right now but I think that you're falling for Tommy," she said. "I just don't want you to fall too hard like you did with Jamie."

"I'm not," Jude said. Her eyes went wide, did she just admit to falling for Tommy? "I mean I won't."

"Okay," Kat nodded. "Have fun taking care of Tommy."

Jude smiled, "Goodbye."

Jude couldn't stop thinking about what Kat had said to her. Was she falling for Tommy? Jude couldn't be, she wouldn't allow it. She didn't want to fall for a guy and then get hurt again like she did with Jamie. She sighed and forgot about it as she got in her car and drove off to get Tommy his soup.

Jude arrived at Tommy's apartment Campbell's in hand. She knocked on the door. "Come in Jude," she heard a nasally voice attempt to shout. She giggled at that, she couldn't get over how he sounded, and walked in. "Hey Tommy!" She said as she closed the door and put the bags in the kitchen.

"Hey Jude," Tommy coughed. "I'm in my room."

She walked over to him and sat on his bed beside him. Jude handed him the tissues and cough drops she got him, "here you go!"

"Thank you Jude," Tommy smiled. It made him happy to know that she cared and would be his "doctor" for the day. "Where's my soup?"

"Be patient! I couldn't make any at home and I had to go buy it, so I need to use your kitchen."

"Buy it? Like the ingredients," he asked before sneezing.

Jude laughed, "No! Buy the can! I can't cook!"

"Well, you made it sound like you could... you said, 'my famous soup.' "

"No, no, no. I was joking." She smiled. "I'll go make it for you."

"Alright, it better be the best Campbell's I've ever had!" Tommy said as she walked out of his room. Before she left she turned around and stuck her tongue out at him. That was one of things he liked the most about Jude. How she was constantly joking or goofing off and she had been doing it a lot more lately, it seemed, ever since their kiss.

He was hoping that was he reason; that Jude had been more happy lately because of him. He wanted to make her happy.

"When's Ali coming," Jude called out from the kitchen.

Tommy looked at his clock, "I don't know. She should be here any minute now." He heard a clash of pots and pans and winced. Tommy heard a muffled, "Oops." He chuckled, "Everything going okay in there?"

"Yeah," Another crash. "Maybe not."

He used all the strength he could to get out of his bed and walk over to the kitchen. This sickness was really weighing him down. "What are you doing in here?"

"I was trying to get this pot," She held one in her hand. "But your cabinet was a mess and the rest of them fell out," Jude gestured to the mess of pots and pans on the ground. "You really need to be more organized." She bent down and started to pick them up. "And I also can't figure out your confusing oven."

Tommy sighed and walked to his stove. He pressed a button, "Jude, it says what each button is, could it be any easier?"

"It's different than the one I have at home!" She defended herself. Stop making herself look dumb in front of him, she scolded herself.

He laughed and took the pot out of her hand. "I suppose you need help with this, too?" He grabbed the opened can and poured the soup in, ignoring her protests.

"You're sick! Get back in bed! I'm the one that should to be making this!" Jude said.

"It's fine, I got it." Tommy began to stir the soup.

"Tommy," she whined and gave up as she heard a knock the door. "Al!"

He smiled as he saw her face light up and run to the door. "Ali!" Jude gave her a hug as she let her in.

"Hi Jude!" Ali said excitedly. "I missed you last weekend! Look," she showed Jude her mini first-aid kit. "I brought it for Tommy."

"I missed you too," Jude replied with as much enthusiasm as Al. "Tommy will need that," she giggled. "Hello," she said to Lauren, whom she had not grown to fond of. Curse her for taking her Ali away from her and Tommy!

"Hi," she said with her fake smile plastered on her face as always. "Have a good time with Ali, I need to hurry off to a meeting." Jude mentally rolled her eyes, _of course she did_...

"Thank you," Jude said as she closed the door. "C'mon Ali, Tommy's in the kitchen." She held her hand as they made their way over to Tommy. "Oh the soup is done! How is it?"

"Hey Al!" Tommy said. "I don't know you tell me," he replied slowly as he saw Jude sip some from his spoon.

"Mmm, good!" Jude said completely oblivious of his sarcasm.

He laughed at her and rubbed his face with his hand. "Jude," he muttered to himself, "what am I going to do with you?"

"Here Tommy," she shoved the bowl towards him, "have some."

"Thanks." Tommy grabbed the bowl and laid on the couch.

Ali followed him and took out her fake thermometer. "Tommy I need to check your temperature," she said.

Jude laughed at the look on his face. She walked to the couch and Tommy sat up to give her room. He wrapped an arm around her and whispered in her ear, "You're next."

"I'm the doctor, Tommy. Nurse Ali doesn't need to check me," Jude laughed at him. Ali put the thermometer in his mouth as she checked his heartbeat with her fake stethoscope. "You're a very good nurse, Ali."

"Thank you, Dr. Jude." Ali smiled and checked the thermometer. "Oh goodness! You're temperature is 121 degrees!"

Tommy and Jude started to crack up. Jude picked up Ali and smiled at her. "Are you sure about that? I think you meant 101 degrees."

"No, Tommy is very hot," Ali said to Jude.

"You could say that again..." she muttered under her breath.

Tommy's eyes went wide, did she just say...? That shouldn't surprise him. He knew that he could get mostly any girl he wanted. Well, he glanced at Jude, except for the one he wanted the most. "What did you say, Jude?"

"Oh, um, nothing..." her cheeks turned red. "I just said that... it's because he's sick, I..."

Tommy started to groan as he set the bowl of soup down and then brought his hands to his stomach. "Tommy," Jude took one of his hands and held it. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah... I..." He stood up and ran towards the bathroom.

Jude frowned and followed him. She opened the door and saw him hunched over the toilet. "Oh Tommy," she gasped. Jude felt really bad, he was so sick. She sat next to him and rubbed his back. Normally this kind of stuff would make her squeamish, she couldn't remember a time she would sit next to Jamie while he was sick, but with Tommy Jude didn't feel like she would be the next one getting sick, she _wanted_ to be there helping him.

"Jude," he began to say but groaned and brought his attention back to the toilet. Her hand traveled up his back and neck and she ran his fingers through his hair. Tommy stopped and Jude grabbed a wet cloth and handed to him. "Thanks," he said weakly.

Jude helped him get up after he cleaned up. Tommy grabbed his toothbrush and smiled at Jude, "Thank you, I'm sorry you had to see that."

She mirrored his smile, "It's fine. I wanted to help you," Jude walked out and found Ali standing outside the door. "Hey there."

"Is he okay?"

Jude beamed, Ali looked so worried for Tommy. "He'll survive..."

"Good!" She looked up at Tommy when he walked out of the bathroom and gave him a hug. "I hope you're feeling alright!"

Jude's heart swelled when Tommy smiled real big at Ali as she wrapped her tiny arms around his legs. It was just like Ali was his little girl, he loved her so much. "Don't worry, Al. I had Jude with me, she makes me feel better whenever she's with me."

She gasped. Was that the truth? Or was he just saying that? Jude looked at Tommy and he gave her a look. "Ali, how about you go put in your favorite movie and you, Tommy, and I will all watch it together." Jude watched Al run off to Tommy's living room. She walked over to Tommy, "is that the truth? You feel better when I'm with you?"

He took Jude's hand and pulled her towards him. Tommy looked her in the eyes and rested his forehead on hers. "Of course it is."

"I feel better, too." Tommy's heart skipped a beat. He knew what she had meant by feeling better. She was feeling less depressed and Tommy was glad he was the cause.

After watching a movie and feeding Ali dinner Jude decided she would take her out for ice cream. They walked by Tommy, who was laying on the couch, and Jude crouched next to him. "Hey, Tommy," Jude caressed his cheek. "We're going to get some ice cream from down the street, do you want any?"

Tommy gave her a small smile, "I'm feeling better, sure."

"Alright, we'll be back soon."

Both Jude and Ali ordered theirs and Tommy's ice cream and were walking back to his apartment. "Hey, Jude," Ali tug on her shirt.

She squatted next to her so they were at the same height. "What is it, Al?"

"I have something to tell you." Ali cupped her hand around her mouth and whispered, "Tommy said he wants you to be his girlfriend."

Jude eyes went wide and she sucked in a breath. Did she want to just hear that? By the way her heart was beating right now she was starting to believe that she had hoped for Tommy to say that. "You're not good at keeping secrets are you?"

"Nope," Ali smiled.

"I'm going to tell you something but you have to promise not to tell Tommy, okay?"

"Promise!"

"I just might want to be his girlfriend, too." She watched Ali's smile get bigger and Jude laughed. She stood up and took Al's hand, "C'mon we better get this ice cream back to Tommy before it melts."

( : : )

"Jude, Tommy was telling me that you, well you use to, sing," Ali said as Jude tucked her in for Tommy. "I was wondering if you would for me." She shook her head, "But you don't have to. Tommy was telling me that you don't anymore and if you don't want to..."

"I..." Jude started. She couldn't say no to Ali! "I guess," she sighed. What could she sing? She hadn't sang in front of anyone in years. "Well... um, what do you want me to sing?"

"I don't know, anything."

"Wait one second," Jude got off Ali's bed and shut the door, she didn't want Tommy to hear her. She took a deep breath, "I really don't know what to sing..." Jude thought back to when she was a little girl and how her dad use to sing to her before she went to bed. He always sang The Beatles and most of the time he sang "Hey Jude". She smiled, "Alright, I'll sing you a song my dad use to sing to me when I was your age.

"And this is the first time I've sung in awhile in front anyone... it probably won't be good, I..." she stalled and Ali narrowed her eyes at her. "Alright, alright, I'll sing..."

_Hey Jude don't make it bad  
Take a sad song and make it better  
Remember to let her into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better_

Her heart was racing. She couldn't believe she was doing this right now. Jude's eyes were closed as she let herself get lost in the song. It felt so good to do it, to just let go and sing again.

_Hey Jude don't be afraid  
You were made to go out and get her  
The minute you let her under your skin  
Then you begin to make it better_

_And any time you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain  
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders  
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool  
By making his world a little colder_

Jude opened her eyes and saw that Ali had fallen asleep. She smiled and put her blankets on top of her. Jude gave her a kiss on her forehead, "Goodnight Ali."

"Jude," she heard Ali whisper in a sleepy voice. "You're voice is really pretty."

"Thank you," she smiled at her. Jude was glad that the first person she sang to was Ali. "Now get some sleep, okay? Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Jude." Ali yawned before closing her eyes again and falling to sleep.

"Hey Tommy," she smiled at him when she walked into his room. Her heart was still pounding from singing to Ali. Jude surprised herself by doing it because she thought she would have chickened out. Now she was putting Tommy to bed, she laughed silently at that thought.

Tommy took her hand, "Thank you for today. It amazes me how good you are with Al."

"Sh," she brought a finger to his lips, "you need to rest up if you want to see me tomorrow!"

"I guess I better get some sleep then!" Tommy joked. He pulled Jude to him so she was lying besides him and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm feeling a lot better, you are a good doctor."

She smiled, "I know!" She became conscious of how close they were. Kat's words kept repeating in her head, _I don't want you to fall to deep..._ "I really should go now, I..."

"No, stay please," Tommy pouted. "I'm really cold and you're warming me up."

"Cold," Jude asked as she brought a hand to his forehead. "You're burning up!" She looked at Tommy's sick face and was defeated, "Fine, but not for long." She put her head in between the his neck and head as Tommy played with the ends of her hair.

Minutes had passed and they still laid there holding each other. Jude wondered how she could just lay there in silence with Tommy and it was still the one place she wanted to be. Before she knew it she was drifting off, "Tommy, I should..." she trailed off. Jude was so tired she could hardly keep her eyes open.

"Sh, don't leave me, stay with me please. Go to sleep," he pulled her closer.

Now she was awake! She opened her mouth but then closed it. Jude was speechless. What was she suppose to say to that? Her heart raced and she nodded her head, "Alright." Tommy kissed the tip of her nose, "night, Jude." She took a deep breath, she felt like she couldn't breathe! Tommy was so... she didn't know a word for it but there was something about him, and yes, it was cliche, that took her breath away, especially at moments like this. "Goodnight, Tommy," Jude whispered.

How was she suppose to go to sleep now? Her heart was still beating wildly in her chest and her eyes would not tear themselves away from Tommy. He looked so gentle and calm as he slept. Jude wondered if he always looked like that, or if it was because she was with him that he looked peaceful. No, no, no, she couldn't think that but ever since they had admitted their feelings for each other she couldn't stop thinking about them being a couple. Especially after what Ali told Jude earlier.

What if they did become a couple? And what if she did fall for him like Kat said? Would her heart get broken again? She smiled as more lyrics came to her head.

"Tommy?" She brought her hand to his cheek and caressed it. "Tommy..."

"What," he answered drowsily.

"I can't get to sleep and I was wondering if you had a guitar anywhere."

"I probably wouldn't be getting any sleep next to you but my doctor has put me on a lot of meds," Tommy smiled at her and she felt her heartbeat quicken. His eyelids drooped. "In the room next to mine..." he trailed off.

"Alright, thank you," Jude smiled at him. "Go back to sleep and get some rest."

"Okay." He took hold of her hand, "just make sure you come back to me when you get tired..."

And cue her erratic heart. She didn't know what to say again and only nodded. Jude kissed his check and let out a squeaky, "kay!" Thank goodness it was dark or else Tommy would be seeing her beat red cheeks. She quickly left his room and went into the one next to it.

She grabbed the guitar and found some paper and a pen nearby. Jude played a couple of notes quietly, afraid to wake Tommy or Ali up. She wrote down a few words.

_When you open your heart, there's always so much to lose. So far to fall and nowhere to go when it's through..._

Jude slipped the paper in her pocket and set the guitar against the wall. She decided to go back to Tommy's room, because now, thinking about it, she _was_ getting a little tired...

( : : )

The next weekend Tommy got a call from Jude. "Hello?"

"Tell Ali I'm sorry," Jude coughed before continuing, "I can't come today," she finished with a sneeze.

"Jude, I thought you said you got the shot," Tommy said.

"Well I thought I did, maybe it was a different one..." she trailed. Jude could have sworn she did! She had gone to the doctors once and it was around the time everyone was getting their flu shots. The doctor told her she was going to get vaccinated and she thought she heard her doctor say flu shot. But, Jude could have heard her wrong, her doctor did have an accent... her thoughts wondered off. "Tell Ali I said I'm sorry," she said again wanting this conversation to be over. All she wanted was to crawl into her bed and sleep all day.

"How about I bring her over there," Tommy asked. "Ali did get her flu shot and I'm sure she wouldn't mind taking care of you. I need to repay you for taking care of me last week."

"Okay," she smiled. "I'll see you later."

"I'll be there with the chicken noodle soup..."

( : : )

* * *

Review, please. :D It would make me happy.


	7. Falling Backwards

**Chapter Six: Falling Backwards**

Lately, it seemed, Jude had been a mess. Somewhere between admitting her feelings for Tommy and now she had fallen down that slippery slop that it had taken her so long to climb. She was feeling like she had before she met Tommy, thinking about Jamie all the time and trying her best not to get close to anyone. Jude had started to talk to Tommy less because she was afraid she was getting too close to him. When they had their classes together she never really talked to him and would hardly listen to him speaking to her during the lunches, at least at the ones she hadn't made up an excuse to miss.

Jude was becoming distant again and she feared that it was because she was finally getting over Jamie. 

( : : )

She clasped the necklace together and fixed the chain so the hook wasn't showing. Jude was wearing the necklace that Jamie had given her once they started dating. She hardly ever took it off. She looked at herself in the mirror and frowned. Jude looked like a mess. Her hair was stuck in a messy ponytail, she was wearing a baggy sweatshirt, and there were dark bags beneath her eyes.

Jude sighed, she thought she was getting better. She thought she was getting through this. The only reason she had been coming close to getting over this struggle was because of Tommy and now it was the thing pushing her back again. She realized that she was getting too close to him and she didn't want another relationship like that in her life.

Well, that's what she was telling herself that this was about. In reality Jude knew in the back of her mind that she was only afraid of what she was feeling for Tommy. And right now she might not be able to admit it but she was feeling more than she had ever felt for Jamie.

Jude sighed and looked at the time. She had to go to her class soon. Jude picked out different clothes and made an attempt to make her hair look okay. Jude glanced at the locket around her neck one more time and left her apartment.

"Class we have a big assignment coming up," Paegan announced near the end of their class. "Each of you are going to write a song and then perform it for the class." He knew it was wrong to be doing this but he was assigning this to the class so he could finally hear Jude sing. "This will be a big portion of your grade so you better make it good."

Jude groaned unlike the rest of the class who were all jumping up and down at the idea. Why do the all want to do this, she wondered. But, of course, this _was_ the reason they were in this class...

As everyone got up to leave once class was over Paegan said, "You guys will of till the end of this semester for this."

It was March now. March, Apr- Jude stopped the thoughts in her head. _April_. April was the month that Jamie died. It was so close to now, they were at the end of the month of March. She took a deep breath and forgot about it. The end of the last semester was in two months. She had two months to prepare herself to sing. She could do this, Jude told herself. No biggie. Jude groaned again, she really didn't want to do this.

Tommy turned to Jude and saw her upset face. He knew she wouldn't like the assignment, she didn't like singing, especially now. Tommy could tell she wasn't herself lately. He could tell something was up, and that there had been something bothering her. "You okay?" Tommy asked.

She didn't look at him and nodded her head up and down. Jude packed her stuff up and started to walk as fast as she could, away from him, but Tommy followed. Jude wasn't happy about the assignment but she was telling herself that she could handle it. She wasn't a helpless girl, she could make it without Jamie. When they made their way out of the building Jude turned to Tommy. "I..."

"No lunch?" He could tell it was what she was about to say. It was becoming a routine lately. Tommy frowned as she nodded her head again. "Nope, you're coming with me, I want to talk to you."

"Well, I don't," Jude lied. She tried not to look at him; it was getting hard to lie to him all the time about not wanting to be with him. The truth was the exact opposite in fact. She wanted to be with him and that was part of the reasoning Jude was distancing herself from him.

"Well," he used the same tone she did, "that's too bad." It hurt Tommy to hear Jude say she didn't want to talk to him, even if he knew it was only a lie. That's at least what he had been telling himself lately...

"Tommy..."

"Jude, at least let me walk you home, I..." Tommy sighed frustrated. Why was she making this so hard? All Tommy wanted was to talk to her and maybe convince her to stop shutting herself out.

She shook her head and tried to brush past him but Tommy wouldn't let her go. "There's just a couple of things..." Jude couldn't believe this was happening again, she was closing herself up. "I need to just be alone for a little bit."

"Because being alone for these past five years wasn't enough for you?" Tommy's eyes went wide and he heard Jude gasp. "I didn't mean to say that, I... you've just been distancing yourself from me lately and you barely talk to me anymore. I just want to talk to you. We don't even have to eat lunch, there's just some things about me I want to tell you."

Jude looked at him and she could see the cloudy storm building in his eyes. Now she was afraid of what Tommy had to tell her, but Jude found herself nodding her head reluctantly anyway. "Okay."

Tommy brought her outside and sat her down on one of the benches nearby. "There's some things that you don't know, well, you don't completely know, about how I was the years before I met you." He shook his head, "I was a mess. I did some messed up things... I don't want you to be doing the same things I did."

And _now_ she was confused. What did he do that was so bad? And why was he so worried about her? Jude was fine! She just hadn't wanted to talk lately... that's all! All she had know about his past was about a girl that died... Angie, Jude remembered the name.

"I told you about Angie a few weeks ago but I didn't tell you what happened afterward." He took a deep breath in and let it out. "After her death I hit rock bottom. I went to bars for countless hours every night and the nights I wasn't at the bar, I was spending the nights in some random girl's bed." Tommy saw Jude wince when he said the thing about the girls. "I partied all the time for a few years. I drank a lot and even did drugs sometimes. But then Kwest snapped me out of it and made me stop. He threw away all of my alcohol and stayed at my house until he thought I became sober enough to not start again. There were times when I wished that I was sitting at a bar but then when I think about I'm glad Kwest was there when no one else was or else I might not even be alive right now."

"I'm glad too." Jude leaned into him as he wrapped his arms around her shoulder. If Tommy wasn't here right now she would probably have hit her rock bottom. Suddenly Jude realized why he told her this. "You're worried that I'm going to become like that? Is that why you're telling me this?"

"I... yeah," he sighed. "You just haven't been yourself lately and I'm scared that you're going to push me away."

Once she saw the look on his face she decided it then. She was going to stop running. Jude wasn't going to let Jamie get to her anymore, even if the date of his death was just around the corner. "Well, I'm not going to!" Jude jumped off the bench and pulled Tommy with her. "You and me are going to be friends forever!"

_Yeah, friends_... Tommy thought sarcastically. The forever part made him happy, just not the friend part. He laughed and smiled, "good!"

She wrote down something on a piece of paper from her notebook. "Here," she handed the paper to him. "Go to this address and then follow the rest of the directions at nine o'clock. It's my turn to let you in on my past." 

( : : )

Tommy followed the directions Jude gave him earlier and he found himself walking in some sort of forest. Tommy was hoping he had followed the directions right. He wondered why Jude would take him here. He came to a clearing within the trees and heard some rustling. Tommy quickly turned around in the direction he heard it coming from.

"What the hell? Stupid Tree," he heard somebody mumble.

Tommy laughed, that was Jude. He walked towards her to help Jude. Once she came into the clearing she tripped over a tree that had fallen. "Whoa," she said as she fell. Tommy held out his arms and caught her. They both felt their heartbeats quicken when they caught each others eyes. "Whoa," Jude whispered again.

Jude shook her head and cleared her throat. She wiped her dirty hands on the back of her pants as she tried to distract herself from the pounding in her chest. "Um, yeah, so. So, let me show you the rest of the way." Jude scratched her head and kept walking.

"Where are we going?" Tommy asked as he avoided falling over tree trunks and roots himself.

"You'll see..."

He kept following Jude until they made it out of the woods. In front of them were train tracks. Tommy looked at Jude questionably as she began to lay down on them. "What are you doing?"

"Come lay down with me Tommy," Jude said to him. She saw Tommy shake his head and look around. Jude laughed, "Don't be scared, Tommy. I've done this so many times and a train hasn't come."

Tommy reluctantly laid down next to her. "I'm not scared."

"Okay," she said to him. "Me and Jamie used to come here all the time just to get away from it all. We would look up at all the stars that you can't see in the city." Jude smiled a little when she felt Tommy take her hand. "We were best friends since forever. Sometimes, if I think really hard, I can see him in his diaper playing with me. We were just friends up until our freshman year. When we got into high school, something changed. He asked me to one of the dances and I laughed at him. After I realized he wasn't joking, I reluctantly said yes because I didn't like him like that yet but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I think he realized though that our date didn't go so well because he ignored me for a few weeks after... But then at the end of our junior year he asked me out again and then I don't know... something clicked. I realized I wanted to be with him. Our dates were wonderful at first but then something happened and he changed. He was always yelling and arguing with me. I think that was after he realized he had cancer," her voice cracked and she cleared her throat, "and that was why he was so grumpy all the time. When he got really bad he told me and I was a mess, that's when I dropped out of college." Tommy squeezed her hand tighter to comfort her. "I loved him so much and he promised when he got better that we were going to get married... I was always with him at the hospital and one time, just one time I left, he... he was... was..."

"Jude," Tommy sat up. He heard the whistles coming from a train in a distance and started to worry. "Jude."

"Huh? What?" She asked as she wiped her tears. Jude looked to her left where Tommy use to be laying down next to her and saw the lights from a train. "A train? This is the first time I've seen one coming on these tracks." Should it scare Jude that she didn't have a thought telling her to get off?

"Get off!"

"No, you're still on the tracks," Jude pointed out. "It's far away, we have time." How easy would it be to just let this train come, she thought. Then this would all be over and she could be with Jamie once again. Would it be hard to die, Jude wondered. No, death would come to her easy, it was life that was hard.

"I'm not getting off the tracks until you get off," Tommy held out her hand for Jude. Why wasn't she worried right now? Wasn't she scared at all, he wondered. "Come on." Jude rolled her eyes and he started to panic as the train came closer. "Jude," he said with a shaky voice, "please. I don't... you can't get hit by the train, I wouldn't... I don't know what I would do without you here."

"Fine," she played it cool but all she wanted was to cry at his words. Did Tommy really care that much for her? Jude took Tommy's hand and tried to stand up. She moved her head but something pulled her back. Jude looked at the tracks and saw that her necklace was caught. "I can't..."

"Jude, stop messing around and get off!" Now Tommy was getting angry at her.

"I can't!" She shouted again.

Tommy heard the panic her voice and realized that Jude was trying to get up. "What's wrong?" He asked as he sat down next to her.

"My necklace, it's caught on something." Jude fumbled with the chain and tried to take it off but it was stuck. "I'm scared, Tommy."

Tommy looked into Jude's fearful eyes and his heart raced."You're going to be fine," he reassured the both of them. Tommy tried to help Jude but couldn't get it off. He looked up at the train and saw it coming closer and closer. His hands began to shake and he couldn't think straight. "Jude," he said worriedly, "you're just going to have to take it off."

"No! I can't, it's the only thing I have left from Jamie." Jude began to cry. She couldn't take it off and let the train crush it!

"Jude!" Tommy shouted.

"You just go, let me get this off myself."

"No, I'm not leaving without you," Tommy had started to cry himself. "I can't leave you here," his voice shook.

Jude was touched by his words and quickly unhooked the clasp. Once it was off, Tommy picked Jude up and ran off the tracks. "Are you okay?" He asked as he put her down.

She hugged him tightly as she nodded her head. Both of them looked at the train that was coming their way.

And then... the train turned the other way, hundreds of yards ahead of the both of them. Jude took in her surroundings, the scared look on Tommy's face, her necklace latched to the train tracks, all of the thoughts whizzing around in her head and then she thought about everything that had happened in the past couple of years with Jamie and suddenly, she started laughing hysterically. She doubled over with her hands on her stomach. "Oh... my..." Jude was laughing so hard that tears had started to make their way out of her eyes.

"Jude, why are you laughing?" Tommy was confused at what was going on right now. She could of just gotten flattened by a train! "What's so funny?"

"Your face... the train..." She didn't know how long she had been laughing but she stopped once she saw Tommy start to walk away. "Tommy?" She ran up to him. "Where are you going?" Jude walked with him through the woods in front of the train tracks. "What's wrong?"

"Why the hell were you laughing?" Tommy shouted at her as he stopped in the middle of the clearing they were at earlier. "Do you think this is funny? Is this some kind of game to you? You could of just died and you're laughing!"

"I," she started. Jude didn't understand why Tommy was this mad at her. "I was just..."

"Were just what? Don't think that I don't know that you wouldn't of minded getting hit by that train. I know you, I was you before."

"You don't know me at all Tommy!" Jude shouted back at him. She closed her eyes tightly as she heard her words echoed through the woods. "You don't know me..." Jude said quieter as her sobs began. "All you know is some girl that I've created to hide myself from others. You don't know the girl who would have done anything for her music. You don't know the real me."

"Well," Tommy whispered with a shaky voice, "I guess now I never will. Goodbye Jude." He left Jude standing there by herself. It hurt Tommy to know that the person he had been getting close to for these past couple of months was not who he thought she was. He was idiot for not realizing it sooner, he should have seen it coming.

But still, he thought he had known at least a little part of Jude. When he thought about it, Tommy knew the part of her that lived for music. He could see the look in her eyes when he played the guitar for her or she played the guitar for him, the smile that she wore as she learned about how to produce a song in their music class, and he noticed that when they had to write songs for music she could be starting a second one while Tommy was still trying to figure out the second verse. Tommy _did_ know Jude. If only he could make her realize it...

Jude fell to her knees after she lost sight of Tommy. She had done it again. She pushed someone else away. Jude thought it would be different with Tommy but now, looking at the light from her flashlight that followed the direction of Tommy's path, she realized how wrong she was. 

( : : )

After Jude walked out of the woods and drove home she was exhausted. She wasn't sure if Kat was asleep or not so she walked in quietly. Jude looked in the mail and found a letter for Kat, on the return address was a name she didn't recognize, Andrew Smith.

"Who's Andrew?" She wondered out loud. Jude scanned through the letter and saw her name mentioned in it at the end. _I know you want to tell Jude, but I'm sorry, we can't. It's better this way if she doesn't know._ Why were they talking about her? And what was it that she didn't know?

Jude walked over to Kat's room quietly with the letter in her hand. She heard Kat talking as she got closer and pressed her ear to the door.

"I got your letter today and I still don't think this is the best way to handle the situation. We need to tell her. She's so naive right now, she's like a little girl... she's being doing a _little_ better. But, I need to go, I think I heard Jude coming in." Kat paused and listened to the response. "No, I will not tell Jude that! She doesn't know _Andrew_, remember? I'll see you tomorrow."

She was confused. Who was Kat talking to? Jude thought she was talking to this Andrew person but she said 'She doesn't know Andrew,' so didn't that mean Kat was talking to someone else? Jude quickly stepped away from the door as she heard Kat coming and shoved the letter in her pocket, she didn't want to deal with that right now.

Kat opened the door and saw Jude standing there. "Oh, hi. Did you hear any of that?" She watched Jude shake her head silently and then noticed her puffy eyes. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"I just had a bad night."

"But I thought you were with Tommy. You always have a good time with him."

"I usually do, but the train and then I laughed and... I don't know!" Jude tried not to cry again. "I think he's mad at me and he's never going to talk to me again!"

"Oh, Jude, I'm sure he will." Kat hugged her. "Don't let this get to you. You've been doing so good lately."

"No, I... I haven't. This week has been bad. I've been ignoring Tommy and I don't even talk to him that much anymore."

"Well, you just... that's okay. One bad week is fine." Kat walked with Jude to her room. "I'm sure tomorrow Tommy will talk to you and you'll be okay, alright? Just forget about this week."

"Okay," Jude nodded. She wiped her eyes and opened her door. "I'm going to bed. Good night."

"Good night, Jude." Kat noticed something different about Jude. "Hey, Jude, where's your necklace?"

Jude brought her hand to her chest and didn't feel anything. Oh crap... she left it on the train tracks. "It must of... fallen off or something..." she trailed off. How could she forget it? Maybe it was a good thing though. Maybe this would get her one step closer to being over Jamie. 

( : : )

Jude woke up feeling better than she had the whole week. But only a little, she thought as she remembered what happened last night. She hoped that Tommy wasn't mad at her.

When she walked into the classroom she saw Tommy. She made it to her seat, "Tommy I-"

He rolled his eyes and turned to the person sitting next to him.

Jude's jaw dropped. Why was he being such a jerk? She didn't do anything! Okay, maybe she said that the Jude he knew was fake but that wasn't true! She knew that Tommy knew her better than anyone else, maybe even better than Jamie had. She told Tommy everything. And even if she wouldn't sing in front of him didn't mean that he didn't know her. Jude only said that because she was scared at the time but she was done hiding her feelings for Tommy, from herself at least. And it was time to stop pretending she wasn't over Jamie. Jude knew that she had been for awhile but she was just scared of loving someone else.

"Tommy, I really need to talk to you, I..." She tapped her fingers impatiently on the desk. He didn't turn around. "Tommy!"

Tommy finally turned around. "Can't you see I'm talking to someone right now?" He looked annoyed. "And I think you said everything you needed last night."

"But, Tommy, I..." Tears filled her eyes. Jude didn't mean what she said! Why wouldn't Tommy listen to her? Paegan came in and class started. She couldn't focus the entire class. She kept thinking about Tommy. Jude took a piece of paper and wrote a note on it. She passed it to Tommy.

Tommy took it and sighed. After he read it he crumpled it up.

Now Jude was mad at him! He was being a jerk for no reason! After class was over Jude stormed out of there. "Jude!" She heard Tommy calling her name. Of course he would want her now, when Jude didn't want to talk to him. Jude kept walking and ignored him. "Jude!"

"What?" She turned around and walked up to him. "What could you possibly want?"

_You._ he thought. Tommy closed his eyes and shook his head. "I'm just... I'm sorry, I was a jerk." He knew what he was dong was mean and unnecessary but he wanted Jude to feel how he was right now. Crushed, defeated, _heartbroken_. And he knew that was mean too but he didn't find it fair that he had wasted months trying to get Jude to be herself again for nothing.

"Well, what a sudden change of heart." Jude rolled her eyes. "You know what, just leave me alone! I don't want to deal with you right now! You're an ass!" She walked away from him angrier than she was before. Jude didn't understand why he was doing this. And she didn't understand why all she wanted to do was run back there into Tommy's arms, take back everything she had said to him, and kiss him again and again. 

( : : )

I hope you like it! And I bet you guys can guess who Andrew is... I wasn't very creative with the name.  
Review please!


	8. Fallin' For You

I hope you guys like it.  
It's a bit... I don't know. It didn't turn out they way I wanted this to go. And it's short (the lyrics hide that though... sort of). Blah, whatever.

The song I used is Fallin' For You by Colbie Caillat, if you don't know her, shame on you. She's amazing.

Enjoy and review. 

**Chapter Seven: Fallin' For You**

It was a cold day for April and Jude was wondering why. The wind blew fast and hard against Jude as she walked to the university. She groaned as she saw white stuff coming from the clouds. Snow? Jude thought to herself. She took a few more steps and heard a car honk.

Jude turned around and rolled her eyes when she saw Tommy. "What do you want?"

"Get in the car," he shouted from the window.

"No!" In the two weeks that had passed Jude and Tommy were still not talking. She had no clue why the weren't okay again. Tommy was still a jerk to her sometimes and Jude ignored him most of the time.

"It's freezing out there and you're not even wearing a jacket!" He was worried. Of course he was worried, he cared about Jude very much even if they were doing some dance around each other. Tommy gave her a look and she was slowly defeated.

"Fine!" She stomped over to the car. Jude opened the door and slammed it.

"It's nice to see you, too," he sarcastically said.

Jude turned on the radio to drown him out. She tilted her head and gave him a fake smile. Jude listened to the radio and smiled. "I love this song!"

_I've been spending all my time just thinking about you,  
I don't know what to do, I think I'm fallin' for you._

When the song was over Tommy glanced at Jude. He noticed she wasn't really happy like she was trying to make him think, he could see the storm in her eyes. "Are you okay?"

She sighed and decided she wasn't going to lie. "No." Jude paused, "Today's the day..." She couldn't finish her sentence before she started sobbing.

Tommy knew what she wanted to say and he pulled over. "How about we turn around and do something together today. We can skip class today?" He asked as he took her hand.

"Sure, I guess." She was upset but she was doing better than she had other years before. On this day, the anniversary of Jamie's death, Jude usually spent the day in bed balling her eyes out. But this year was going to be different. She wasn't going to let this get to her.

It was a cold day for April and Jude knew exactly why. 

( : : )

When Jude walked inside she took a deep breath. For what day it was she was surprisingly doing well. She breathed in and out, clearing all thoughts of Jamie from her head. Tommy had made her feel better. They went out to eat together and he had made her forget about everything. But things were still awkard between them. They weren't their normal selves when they had talked to each other.

Jude sighed as she walked further inside and put her keys on the table. She took her jacket off and looked for Kat. "Kat?" She called out. Jude heard whispering from Kat's room. She knew it was wrong but she went to the door and listened.

"Can we please just tell Jude already?" Kat exclaimed. She sounded stressed, like she was hiding something. "It's been five years. Can we stop this childish act?"

Jude saw Kat shake her head at the reply. "No! You don't have to see her everyday. She's so lost..." Kat shut her eyes and rubbed her forehead. "If we don't soon—"

Whoever was talking cut her off. "What?" She shouted. "You can't blame this all on me!" Kat started to pace. "So you're going to let her think you're dead forever? She's going to find out, Jamie!"

_Five years, think, dead, lost, forever, Jude._ **Jamie.** Every word that Kat just said swarmed around her head. And then it dawned on Jude. She let out a gasp, _Jamie's not dead_. All of those notes, all of those conversations, she heard... Jamie _Andrews_. Jamie was Andrew. Kat was talking to Jamie. The tears came fast. "Oh my god..." Jude whispered.

Kat heard her, "Oh crap! I gotta go!" She walked out of her room and followed Jude as she walked away. "Jude," Kat called out.

She turned around. "You better... start... explaining what just... happened." Jude struggled to get the words out through her tears. "Five years wasted, five years I've lived a lie!"

"I'm sorry, Jude, I—"

"You knew!" Jude shouted. The tears seemed to come down faster and faster. "All this time and you knew!" Jude screamed again. "How could you..." Jude shook her head. "Why would you do that? You knew how bad I was hurting, _you knew_."

"Jude—" Kat tried to talk again.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me," Jude choked out. "I thought we were best friends."

"I'm sorry," Kat repeated quietly. She felt bad, she didn't think Jude would take it this bad. But, looking back on the past five years, Kat should have known.

"Sorry, huh?" She shook her head. "So tell me Kat, how'd you do it?"

"Well, Jamie's cancer was completely gone the day he — we faked it." She heard Jude let out a whimper. "And I made an excuse for you to leave and when you came back we had the nurse tell you he was gone. She went along with it for some money. That's why I wouldn't let you go the the funeral or his burial. And Andrews is a pretty common last name, it wasn't hard to find a grave..." Jude gasped and held a hand to her mouth to quiet the sobs. Kat stepped closer to Jude but she took a step back.

"I thought he was gone! I would go to his grave and lay there beside it hoping the wind would pick me up and take me away with him. You knew that I was so lost without him and what I was putting myself through but you still didn't tell me he was okay?"

"I'm sorry I—"

She thought of on of Kat's conversations that she had heard a couple of weeks ago. "No, stop it. You don't have to pity me. After all I was just some naive girl the whole time anyway, huh?"

Kat didn't say anything back. She didn't say to stop packing or not to leave. Kat just watched. She watched Jude put her clothes into the suitcase and she watched Jude walk out the door. 

( : : )

Tommy was working on a song when he heard a knock on the door. He set his guitar down and walked to the front of his apartment. Tommy opened the door and saw Jude standing in front of him. The first thing he noticed were the tears, her face was covered in them. Then, he saw the suitcases and the bags she was holding in her hands. "Jude," he sounded confused. "Is everything alright?"

She jumped into his arms as she dropped everything. "I'm sorry, I couldn't think of anywhere else to go. I'm sorry," Jude sobbed on his shoulder. "Is it alright if I stay with you for awhile?"

Tommy rubbed his hand up and down her back. "Of course, Jude. You can stay here for as long as you like." He wished she would stay forever. He let go of her and picked up her luggage that was on the floor. "C'mon, I'll show you where you can stay." As he walked Jude to the guest room he heard her sniffles and quiet sobs from behind him as they walked. Tommy wanted to know what was wrong and figured it had something to do with Jamie but he wasn't going to ask. He could tell she didn't want to talk about it right now. They got to his guest room, he opened the door and put her bags down. "Here we are, home sweet home!"

"Thank you so much, Tommy." She gave him a small smile. "I know you're still mad at me and you don't have to do this. I'm sorry I just came out of the blue. I heard Kat..." Her tears started again

"Hey you don't have to talk about it." Tommy wiped her tears. "And I'm not mad at you! I never was." He smiled back at Jude when she smiled at him. "How about you put on some comfy pajamas. I'll order some takeout and we'll watch movies for the rest of the day."

Jude nodded her head and hugged him. "Thank you."

He was walking to his room after he had finished cleaning up. Tommy thought that Jude was feeling a little better. When they watched the movie he joked around with her and had gotten her to laugh. He hoped that whatever it was that happened she had forgotten about. He walked past Jude's door and heard crying. "Jude," he knocked, "is everything alright?" Tommy walked in and saw her in her bed. He took the few steps to her bed and sat down. Tommy pulled her up into his arms. "Jude, I promise you everything will be okay."

Jude sat in his arms and buried her head in his chest. She shook her head, "I feel like an idiot."

Tommy ran his fingers through her hair. "You're not."

She sighed, "Today I heard Kat talking to someone on the phone..." Jude sat up straight and looked at Tommy. "She was talking to Jamie."

"What?" Tommy asked confused. "How could she talk to him? He's..." He trailed off.

Jude shook her head. "He's not dead," she sucked in a breath. "I guess they hid that his cancer was gone and they told me he died." Jude wiped her tears and shrugged. "So these past couple of years that I've acted like an idiot and helpless were useless."

Tommy pulled her into a hug again. "I'm sorry, I can't believe they would do something like that." What kind of an asshole would do that? He thought. "You're not an idiot, okay? You thought he was really dead. They should feel like the idiots."

"I..." She sighed. Jude didn't feel like talking about it anymore. "Thank you, Tommy." He started to get up as she laid down. "Hey, don't go yet," Jude grabbed his hand. Tommy laughed and stayed. She patted the spot next to her. Tommy laid down and put his arms around her. She snuggled further into his arms.

_I don't know but I think I maybe fallin' for you, dropping so quickly  
__Maybe I should keep this to myself, wait until I know you better  
I am trying not to tell you but I want to, I'm scared of what you'll say  
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling but I'm tired of holding this inside my head_

Tommy sang the song Jude said she liked earlier into her ears. Jude giggled at him. Her heartbeat sped up as his lips tickled her ears. Jude started to mouth the words with him:

_I've been spending all my time just thinking about you  
I don't know what to, I think I'm fallin' for you  
I've been waiting all my life and now I found you  
I don't know what to do I think I'm fallin' for you  
I'm fallin' for you_

Tommy was happy when he saw Jude smile. He knew she was really upset right now and he wanted to cheer her up because if there was one thing he hated the most it was seeing Jude cry.

_As I'm standing here and you hold my hand pull me towards you and we start to dance  
All around us, I see nobody. Here in silence, it's just you and me  
I am trying not to tell you but I want to, I'm scared of what you'll say  
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling but I'm tired of holding this inside my head_

He brought his hand down to Jude's arm and rubbed it back and forth. Jude gasped because she was caught off guard. Tommy's hand traveled further down and he grasped her hand. He moved his head and looked at Jude as he sang to her.

_I've been spending all my time just thinking about you  
I don't know what to, I think I'm fallin' for you  
I've been waiting all my life and now I found you  
I don't know what to do I think I'm fallin' for you  
I'm fallin' for you_

Oh I just can't take it, my heart is racing, the emotions keep spilling out

Jude's hand darted out and hovered above Tommy's face, she closed her eyes and rested her hand on his cheek. Tommy mirrored her and brought her head closer, brushing his nose against hers.

_I've been spending all my time just thinking about you  
I don't know what to, I think I'm fallin' for you  
I've been waiting all my life and now I found you  
I don't know what to do I think I'm fallin' for you  
I'm fallin' for you_

I can't stop thinking about it, I want you all around me and now I just can't hide it  
_I think I'm fallin' for you_

His eyes searched hers as he realized the words he was singing to her might be true. Was he falling for her? Tommy knew that he loved making her smile or laugh. He loved making her happy and was upset when he couldn't. He knew that the crazy feeling his heart got when he saw her must have meant more than just feelings for her, there was something more...

_I can't stop thinking about it_—

The second time through those lyrics Tommy stopped suddenly. He brought his lips to Jude's. It was a soft kiss and didn't last very long but it got the message through, if Tommy wasn't already in love with Jude he was falling for her. After they kissed they laid in silence, foreheads pressed against each other, and their eyes locked on the others.

"Tommy," she whispered. "I..." Jude shook her head. "I didn't mean it. You really do know me. You know me better than anyone ever has."

Tommy tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "Even..." he trailed off and realized he shouldn't have said that, it would only make her upset.

"Yes, even better than Jamie." She held on to Tommy tighter. "You know how you said a couple weeks ago that without Kwest you might not be alive? Well, I think if it weren't for you I wouldn't be where I am now. I'm happier now and I have no clue what I would be doing now with the news I got today if I hadn't met you, but it probably wouldn't have been good."

Tommy kissed her forehead and smiled at her. He saw Jude start to fall asleep after a couple of minutes and pulled some covers over the both of them. "Goodnight Jude," he pulled her closer to himself. Before Tommy drifted off to his own sleep, he whispered the last line of the song to Jude:

_I'm fallin' for you_

( : : )

Hope you guys liked it! Review please!


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